Twist of the Tongue

Picture it: Sicily 1921

Okay, actually picture it: Pharmacy yesterday.

My lovely wife is taking a prescription drop off from a 60 year old guy who looks quite a bit like Yosemite Sam at least in the mustache department.

Yosemite Sam sees that Kelli is wearing black nail polish. He asks, “are you wearing black nail polish?”

Kelli replies politely “yes I am.”

Sam says “wow, usually the only people who wear black nail polish are teenaged gothic girls.”

Kelli sassily replies “are you calling me old?”

Sam sputters “no, no, I mean girls who wear all black.”

Kelli looks down herself as if to emphasize that she is indeed wearing a black knit shirt, black pants, and black shoes.

Sam says “well, usually those gothic girls have a bunch of piercings.”

Kelli has been wearing only one earring in each ear lately but she actually has 4 holes in one ear and 3 in the other. She has no other piercings. But while she’s capable of wearing 7 earrings, she is currently wearing only two.

With this in mind Kelli says “Well actually I do but you just can’t see them.”

Sam pauses. His pupils dilate and then contract again. He immediately says “Wow, do you have tattoos too?”

The sound of water being expelled out of the nose of a pharmacist who has heard this conversation can be heard from deep in the back of the pharmacy out of the line of sight.

Kelli realizes that Yosemite’s idea of “piercings you can’t see” has nothing to do with extra holes in her ear but rather studs and rings in her tender vittles.

And here’s the sweet part.

Rather than dispel this guy’s illusions of exotic fetishistic erotic body modification, Kelli just smiled coyly and said, “no, no tattoos” and left the piercing misunderstanding unexplained. Let the guy have his fantasy, she thought, and went back to start entering his scrip into the computer.

This is just another reason I love my wife.