There Is No “U” in CSI

I’m not the spokesman for my department, my section, my city, or anyone but myself. That being said, let me give the internet community a dose of reality:

You love the television show CSI, I love CSI, everyone loves CSI (even Raymond loves CSI) but, dear readers, take it with a grain of salt. In fact, take two grains; they are small.

Last week a man called reporting an unknown subject or subjects had thrown a rock through his car window and stolen some of the contents while the car was parked outside of his residence. The man was transferred to our report taking section where efficient and pleasant clerks took the initial report information over the phone.

This was normally where the police involvement would end. This victim, like many others, requested an officer follow up to take fingerprints.

The responding officer looked at the rock and said it was doubtful he would be able to get a print off of a rock.

The complainant said “I watch CSI, I expected you to get out your super-glue tent and raise fingerprints that way.”

Two things:

A) Finger prints are mostly water based. Rocks and other porous surfaces suck it in. Rocks and dashboards are also hard to take prints off of because of their uneven surfaces.

B) If you watch CSI, you’ll notice that the crimes they deal with are HOMICIDES. You can pretty much bet that if bullets are not flying and /or people aren’t dead, you’ll not see a super-glue tent. Simple rule: Murder and Mayhem, yes. Stolen John Tesh CDs, no.

One more thought pointed out by a highly respected coworker “Officer Trainiac:” Even if an officer managed to get a crystal clear print from a tool or rock or a Grand Funk Railroad 8-track, the crime labs at all levels of government are so overwhelmed with evidence for cases that are going to trail that a technician would never even examine the print unless a prosecutor or DA requested it.

Furthermore, a DA/Prosecutor would never prosecute a case based solely on a fingerprint on a tool. The single print would not “prove” the print owner was the person holding the tool when the window was broken. They will not even request the print to be identified unless there is a suspect in custody. The print would only be used for supportive evidence to prove the guy who had been arrested was guilty.

To recap: If you are a victim of crime, even misdemeanor theft, report it. Documentation is necessary for all sorts of reasons, not the least of which to support a claim to an insurance company. Also, if the police do happen to catch the suspects (juveniles or hard-core drug addicts usually) with stolen property then they can return it to the rightful owners.

But please, don’t expect models in jumpsuits to come with lasers and electrostatic fiber collection equipment on every crime. Most jurisdictions have limited resources to solve the felony crimes, let alone the misdemeanors.

As smussyolay might say, "it's all about the Benjamins, G."