Priorities and Bad Timing

Britney Spears without underwear: tacky but not exactly unexpected. No one should really care. It's not like she's your babysitter.

Lindsey Lohan is not going to win any literary awards: really, really, really no one should care. If you are looking for role models and end up with anyone who hangs with Paris Hilton, you might as well give up; let wolves raise your kids.

Jessica Simpson floundering at the Dolly Parton gig? The girl might not be the sharpest cheese in the chandelier but don't kick her when she's down. That's just mean. Like you never had a bad day at work?

Americans are still dying every day in Iraq. Oh and we gave up our rights: both from illegal searches and to bottles of water on airplanes. And that little thing about secret prisons in other countries to skirt the laws against torture, etc. These seem like more pressing issues, no?

So with that little dose of reality 'atcha, here's some bad timing:

Man Picks Wrong Time to Use Bogus Check

Dec 7, 4:10 PM (ET)
CHESTERFIELD TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) - A man who police say tried to pass a counterfeit check at a Wal-Mart chose the wrong store at the wrong time. Dozens of officers were at the suburban Detroit store Tuesday helping needy children pick out items as part of an annual "Shop with a Cop" charity event.

That didn't stop Calvin E. Fluckes Jr., 21, from pulling into the parking lot next to 40 marked squad cars, police said. He apparently was unfazed by the police presence as he tried to pay for merchandise with a poorly photocopied check for $847.83.

The cashier called over a manager, who alerted one of the 80 officers who happened to be in the store.

"He was immediately apprehended," Chesterfield Township police Lt. David Marker told the Detroit Free Press. "I can't even imagine what he was thinking."

Fluckes was arraigned Wednesday on one count of uttering and publishing. He was being held in the Macomb County Jail on $2,000 bail.

He could face up to 14 years in prison if convicted, The Detroit News reported.

"Uttering and Publishing" ?? What great names for charges. It's also a good band name.

It Was The Dog, Really!

Updated: 6:44 p.m. AKT Dec 5, 2006

NASHVILLE, Tenn (AP). - It is considered polite to light a match after passing gas. But not while on a plane.

An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened.

The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said.

"It's humorous in a way, but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up."

The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident.

By the way: thank you FBI or Nashville Airport Police or whoever for not releasing the woman's name. That shows some class.