Relaxing your Kegels for fun and profit

I attended a two day training seminar earlier this month on Suicide / Self Mutilation and Compassion Fatigue.

I’ll sum up all the knowledge bestowed upon me (and save you $350):

Unclench your pelvic floor and you will be stress-free.

Yes, really.

Evidently Eastern cultures have known about this for centuries. It’s a first chakra, yoga sort of thing.

Apparently there is a physiological reason for this. It has something to do with your neocortical function being reduced when you are clenched in the “fight or flight” response. In the presence of a perceived threat if you consciously unclench for 30 seconds it will cause your neocortex to flame back into life and therefore you’ll be able to use those higher functions like speech and complex planning, etc. This unclenching is for times you feel stress when you are not actually in danger: public speaking, test taking, etc. The instructor advised us to do a “pelvic floor check” periodically throughout the day.

Paraphrasing George Carlin, you never see anyone running and crapping themselves at the same time.

For clinicians (and law enforcement) suffering from compassion fatigue: you’re feeling burned out because you are clenching. No clenching!

But I’m more than a little dubious when someone tells me the solution to all of life’s problems can be solved with one simple trick.

I don’t care if a Yogi, a Boo-boo, and a Ranger can totally relax through releasing all sphincter muscles, that’s one trick which probably isn't going into Eric’s pickanick basket.


~~~

Photos:
Frog (actually a second chakra exercise)
Yogi

I knew Oregon was full of tree-huggers but…

Campers Tie Alleged Peeping Tom to Tree

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - A group of campers tied a peeping Tom suspect to a tree, keeping him bound until police arrived.

Richard H. Berkey, 63, was charged with private indecency, a misdemeanor, by sheriff's deputies who were called to the Big Fan Campground near Bagby Hot Springs last weekend, according to Clackamas County Detective Jim Strovink.

Campers told deputies they recognized Berkey from a similar incident at the campground last year and wanted to make sure he didn't get away.

The 2006 incident was reported to police but did not result in charges.

"Last year, we took down his license plate number and turned it in to the sheriff, but there wasn't a lot they could do really," said Jason Dugan, one of the campers. "This year, that wasn't happening."

Dugan and another camper, Michelle Brandow, said several friends were playing chess, eating and relaxing last Saturday, when they heard rustling in an area the women used as an open latrine. Dugan went to investigate, saw a man running from the area and tackled him.

With help from two other campers, Dugan led Berkey to the group's campsite and tied him to a tree. Another camper left to call police.

Berkey told KGW-TV in Portland he was surprised by the response. "I just didn't think it was that big of a deal," he said. A phone call to Berkey's house in Beaverton was not immediately returned Friday.

Berkey is scheduled to appear in court on Sept. 18.

Didn't Know? Of Course He KNEW!!

Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis

Thu Aug 23, 2007 2:37PM EDT

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper.

"I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Fountain of Old

I found a book at the used book store about making table top fountains and was inspired to whip one up for my father's birthday.

The base is a ceramic planter minus the handles. The handle holes are covered with copper buttons. The back splash is a Pier 1 bamboo placemat. The rocks are.. well, rocks.

The rest is copper pipe and copper wire.

I made a platform out of polymer clay with three different types of faux green jade and malachite but the rocks cover all that up so it could have been made out of a piece of rigid plastic (at much less cost in clay and time, but hey I'll know better next time).

Happy Birthday Dad!

Officer, funny story,this isn't what it looks like

no need to print the whole story, the headline pretty much sums it up

Man Accused Of Sex With Goat Says He Was Trying To Milk Animal

Rectoplasm

Also courtesy of Pasta: she received a call from a woman reporting hundreds of golf balls in the parking lot of a baseball field. The caller thought a nearby driving range could have been vandalized or burglarized (it was the latter).

The funny part is that she told Pasta “at first I thought they were those white packing things… you know, “ghost poo.”

Ghost poo? For the love of dog that’s funny.

Photo found on eBay

Hey, I’m not a doctor but…

I kid you not:

Pasta answered a call yesterday from a male requesting medics for a female in his residence. Describing her medical history he says:

She just got out of the hospital after having a double vasectomy.

Bone and blood is the price of coal

My thoughts today are with the miners and families of miners in Huntington, Utah.



click to watch this video, it's haunting:
Springhill Mine Disaster


The Springhill Mine Disaster
By Peggy Seeger (tweaked a little by U2)

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Down in the dark of the Cumberland mine
There's blood on the coal, and the miners lie
In roads that never saw sun nor sky
Roads that never saw the sun nor sky

In the town of Springhill
You don't sleep easy
Often the earth will tremble and roll
When the earth is restless
Miners die

Bone and blood is the price of coal
Bone and blood is the price of coal

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Late in the Year ...
Well the day still comes and the sun still shines
But it's dark at the graves of the Cumberland miners
It's dark at the graves of the Cumberland miners

Listen to the shouts of the black faced miner
Listen to the call of the rescue team
We have no water, light or bread
So we're living on songs and hope instead
We're living on songs and hope instead

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Down in the dark of the Cumberland mine
There's blood on the coal, and the miners lie
In roads that never saw sun or sky
Roads that never saw sun nor sky

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Often the earth will tremble and roll
When the earth is restless
Miners die
Bone and blood is the price of coal
Bone and blood is the price of coal
Bone and blood is the price of coal

photo from: Utah Miners Hospital

here's an Smussy update:

While mining is one of the most dangerous industries, here are the most dangerous jobs (in 2005 at least per CNN.com):

Rank	Occupation	Death rate/100,000	Total deaths
1	Fishers and fishing workers	118.4	48
2	Logging workers	92.9	80
3	Aircraft pilots	66.9	81
4	Structural iron and steel workers	55.6	35
5	Refuse and recyclable material collectors	43.8	32
6	Farmers and ranchers	41.1	341
7	Electrical power line installers/repairers	32.7	36
8	Driver/sales workers and truck drivers	29.1	993
9	Miscellaneous agricultural workers	23.2	176
10	Construction laborers

House Hunting Blues

Venting….

We are looking at buying a house. I had no idea how stressful a process this would be.

We have a great realtor (Carl Hines at Keller Williams, ask for him by name) but our ducks are not quite in a row. There are plenty of places priced just out of reach for us without putting us in serious financial peril. We don’t want that, for certain.

In our price range they move very very fast.

I understand (although don’t like) that when you buy a car you need to haggle the price downward since the asking price is higher than the price they will settle for. Easy enough. Are houses the same way? Evidently not in this market.

Of course we got all excited when we started seriously looking two weeks ago and that was a major mistake. We would search through dozens of properties online, go visit the neighborhood, then call the realtor to go look inside the properties which seemed like they would meet our needs. We ended up making offers on three places but all three got better offers the same or previous day and will end up being sold for more than they asked for them (which is discouraging).

I’m going to be working a bunch of overtime in preparation to the next go-round in a month or two. Maybe the market will have crashed by then (fingers crossed).

blah

Oh this is actually funny when translated into "jive" by the Dialectizer.

Ventin'…. We is lookin' at stealin' some crib. ah' had no idea how stressful some process dis would be. We gots some great realto' (Carl Hines at Kella' Williams, ax' fo' him by dojigger) but our ducks is not quite in some row, so cut me some slack, Jack. Dere is plenty uh places priced plum out uh reach fo' us widout puttin' us in serious financial puh'il. We don’t wants' dat, fo' certain. 'S coo', bro. In our price range dey move real real fast. Man! I dig it (aldough don’t likes) dat when ya' steal some car ya' need t'haggle da damn price waaay downward since da damn ax'in' price be higha' dan de price dey gots'ta settle fo'. Easy enough. Lop some boogie. Are cribs de same way? Evidently not in dis market. Man! Of course we gots all 'sited when we started seriously lookin' two weeks ago and dat wuz some majo' missnatch. We would search drough dozens uh propuh'ties online, go visit da damn neighbo'hood, den call de realto' t'go look inside da damn propuh'ties which seemed likes dey would meet our needs. We ended down makin' offers on dree places but all dree gots betta' offers de same o' previous day and gots'ta end down bein' sold fo' mo'e dan dey ax'ed fo' dem (which be discouragin'). I’m goin' t'be wo'kin' some bunch uh overtime in preparashun t'de next go-round in some mond o' two. 'S coo', bro. Maybe da damn market gots'ta crashed by den (fin'ers crossed). blah

Open Your Mouth And Close Your Eyes

According to ABC NEWS, a certain terrorist group has announced on their websites that the USA can expect a “big surprise.”

In terms of evoking terror, “Big Surprise” is pretty lame. So a big FU right back atcha guys.

Strangely enough, I think our biggest threat from this group might be the “Binford 5000 Improvised Explosive Device” as seen on Tool Time.

You be the judge:

Richard Karn photo from : NNDB

~~ by the way, I like Richard Karn and am no way implying that he is associated with any illegal, immoral, or fattening organizations.