Saturday, May 03, 2008

Stop The White On Rice Violence

Rice, at times a symbol of asceticism, will soon be a symbol of affluence.

The Great Rice Panic of 2008 is upon us, ladies and gentlepersons, and the Panic Blog is here to provide you moment by moment coverage of the ongoing side dish debacle from our PanicTracker9000 Mobile News Center (aka my SUV which is only two years younger than the SUV of my least favorite Los Anchorage panhandler).

My wife works at a BigAssed Membership Warehouse Store and these are her observations from the battlefield.

Thursday there were two people having a tug of war over the last BigAssed bag of rice and said bag ripped, spilling rice all over the aisle. Security, or the biggest loss prevention guy, had to separate the combatants. Oh yes, and someone else bought the damaged bag of rice.

Every morning people have been crowding the front doors prior to the store opening, ready to stampede like they’re at a Who concert. They shout to the employees going into work “hey, do you have any rice today?” People are taking rice out of other people’s carts in the store. There have been several fights.

It’s not just her store. Stores all over town are running out of rice. Small Fashionable Yuppie Asian Market didn’t have any white rice for sale, just small packets of wild rice. And wild rice isn’t even rice, it’s like twigs and dirt and stuff.

The Powers That Be tell us there is no actual shortage of rice just a perceived shortage. Well, brothers and sisters, perception is reality. It’s easy to be an existentialist in the foxhole of a Grain War.

Will this escalate into rampaging violence in the streets? Shall we form the Minute Rice Men? Will Uncle Ben have to gird his loins for battle? Where will this end?

Oh the humanity.

Myspace Code Generator

and hey, the Los Anchorage Daily News has a story today on the same topic.. great minds, eh? Here's the story:

Rumors of rice shortage spur daily rush at Anchorage stores

Monk receiving breakfast rice in begging bowl photo:

Uncle Ben photo:


Jas said...

I hate stupid people. I hate the modern news media as well. Stupid people believe everything that the modern sensationalistic news media spouts. If they see it on TV, then it absolutely must be true.

The US has a surplus in rice manufacturing. As a country, we export more rice than we consume. If there was going to be some kind of shortage, the US government would stop allowing exports and demand those supplies remain available for domestic consumption.

People are rioting in other countries over rice because the price has risen in large amounts.

As such, poor people could not afford to buy the rice any longer. Knowing that the price was going to go up, people would buy more at lower prices to hedge against their own bankruptcy.

There is no inventory shortage of rice.
There may be a supply disruption.

The problem is that people are buying it up as soon as they can. Idiots.

Stop buying it, the price will go down.

Find oats, barley, quinoa, or some other staple.

I won't start my rant about the gas tax holiday being a stupid idea, you'll have to go to my blog to find out what I'm ranting about over that.

*gets off the soap box*

Ken Albin said...

This just screams for a demonstration. Maybe a Boston Rice Party along the lines of the Boston Tea Party? I just don't know any more. If there is a huge demand for an item, the price goes up. If there is a surplus in some parts of the world, the price goes up. If there is a storm in Antarctica the price goes up. I'm beginning to see a trend here.

smussyolay said...

you guys are some sort of crazy up in there! ricetastic. that must of been some great story when she got home. or did she just run out on break and call you!?