Sunday, October 23, 2005

Games People Play

Lots of sad things happen at my job. Lots and lots and lots. Too many to dwell on. Babies die heart-breaking deaths, children die accidental deaths, teenagers die stupid senseless deaths, adults die horribly sad deaths, the list goes on.

The first year or two, when all these tragedies are new, it has a heart-dampening effect on a dispatcher. After nearly ten years in, I’ve learned to use my feelings to either empathize with the families of the victims or as motivation to do my best to do the most efficient job I can thereby getting help to them as quickly as possible.

Then I leave the bad things at work. Nothing good comes from bringing the darkness home.

Happily, sometimes we get calls which are just so wonderfully absurd that they can brighten nearly any otherwise crappy day. Here are two such calls.

1) Picture it: It’s a lovely Monday 11:30AM on a spectacularly sunny summer Alaskan day. There is barely a cloud in the sky and the cartoon birds are chirping and landing on the outstretched cartoon fingers of cartoon women singing cartoonish songs.

Then the call comes in. A caller describes a scene right out of a movie: a rather large woman handcuffed a very skinny man, quickly shoved him in the trunk of her Saab, and drove off with him locked in the trunk. The calltaker quickly enters the call and the dispatcher immediately sends the area cars racing to intercept this abductor and rescue the victim. The first several officers arrived and performed a perfect felony traffic stop. They surrounded the car, weapons drawn, and ordered the woman out slowly. They had the woman back up to them and lay on the ground where they handcuffed her and took her to the back seat of a patrol car. Then they let the man out of the trunk.



Upon further investigation it was determined that this was not a felony crime but rather a… um… er… well… a nooner. What the witness reported turned out to be a fun little bondage game played between a consenting couple.

Lesson: Love the kink but keep it indoors or at least not in a public place. Also the man could have received a citation for not wearing a seatbelt.

~~

2 ) Skip merrily to today:

911 hang-up from a residence. The calltaker loads the call and then recalls the residence, getting an answering machine. She leaves a message that the police will be dropping by for a visit. She then recalls several minutes later to have a lovely conversation with an embarrassed gentleman.

Here’s my rendition of the call (this is not an actual transcript):

911: “We received a 911 call from your residence, what’s going on today?”

Male Resident: “Um, nothing.”

911: “Okaaaaay. Who called 911 then, did you misdial?”

Male: “Well… um… I did.”

911: “Is there someone else there with you?”

Male: “No, I’m alone now.”

911: “Okaaaay, so why did you call?”

Male: “I was sitting in my recliner and my wife jumped on me, knocking it backwards with her on top of me. Um… I told her if she didn’t get off of me that I would call 911. She didn’t so I called but she got off so I hung up.”

911: “So you were in a physical fight then?”

Male: “No, no… it was certainly not a fight. It was… um… (sigh) well, it was erotic playing gone awry.”

911: “Oooooooooh, I see. So you don’t need the police, fire department, or paramedics?”

Male: “No, no. I ... um… I just thought I hung up and the call did not go through.”

911: “Aaaaaaaah - Okay. Well if no one there needs the police I’ll go ahead and cancel the call.”

Male: “Yeah, I’m sorry I called.”

911: “Okay, well have a good day sir”

Male: “(chuckling with embarrassment) well I think I might in a little while.”

911: “ooooooooooo-kay, b’bye now”

Note: Yes we did talk to the female half a bit later, so it was determined to be a-okay.

Lesson: Like diamonds, 911 is forever. The second you hit that last “1,” we gotcha till we’re ready to let you go. A little like a bondage game of our own. But not as fun.

Play safe now,

Your buddy Eric.

~~

Pictures from:
http://www.imsplus.com/ims34.html
http://www.hawaii.gov/dot/publicaffairs/ciot/
http://sj.blacksteel.com/

18 comments:

Unknown said...

Loved this post.
Violence=sexual gratification.

I hope you have more of those "kind-of" days.

Anonymous said...

E,
I, ummmm, well ya know. I have heard of phone cords used in bondage, however that sheds a whole new light on what we do. Hmmmmmmm. oh, sorry, just thinking, hmmmmmmmm. Ok gotta go.
- TV

Anonymous said...

I actually haven't had many 911 calls of the mentioned type. However I have had a call from a parrot, apparently no one was paying him any attention so he called 911 to chat- I took the calll-it was real!! Lots of parrot rrrraaaaa sounds and HELLO Pretty bird!! I also had a dog call through onstar-his dogchain was hitting the need help button and Onstar hooked me up directly with the person--errr huh canine in the vehicle who did not respond to what is your emergency? Since Onstar supplied the vehicle location. The non speaking customer got a police officer dispatched. However right before we arrived-I could hear the owner return to the vehicle-asking the happy dog if he needed some water or to get out of the car to do his business. And then the po po arrived and all was well. : )
The only other human event like it was a 911 cel phone hang up from a guy who on recall said , oh ! Im sorry it was in my pocket, and I asked if he was ok and he said,,,uh sorta Im in the dentist chair---OW ! I love the lighter side of our job.

Lois Lane said...

It takes a very special person to be on their toes and be able to leave those tough calls at home.
The nonemergency calls were just way too funny! Thank you for sharing that part of a tough job.
The first one reminded me of something I read in the news long ago. I'll email you the gist of the story later so you can decide if it is suitable material for your blog. :)
Lois Lane

jen said...

:) Jack Sprat could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean....

:) that first story reminded me of the old nursery rhyme.

Shrinking Wop said...

I think I'd rather have those calls than the serious ones. That's got to be a tough job.

There have been a couple of times when I've been on stage that I've wanted to call 911 to rescue the audience. When You suck you know you suck. Thank god that doesn't happen very often.

I was approached to write a book based on the stories I tell on stage and the stories in my blog. I'm working with the publisher and hope to have it out in the next six months. I don't think It will happen by Christmas. Since you asked about it you get a copy for free.

Take it easy.

Tony

Lindsey said...

I miss all the action

Ian Gutierrez said...

great post sweety!
i swer i wont cal 911 again while having sex!

Troy said...

And I thought los angeles was weird. In only goes to show; people are the same no matter where they live. The only thing that doesnt make sense is: "We are a product of our environment, so alaskans should be clean like the snows of mckinley. Freud was right

Airah said...

hi there. cool blog you have here.

geez. just accepted the challenge on BOTB. goodluck to us, dear. (though im not expecting to win, really.)

Haha.. Just thought of giving it a try.. anyway, have a nice day!

& about your latest post, it's a nice read. *winks*

Knina said...

lol...Great post Eric. Though not suprising I appreciate it. As bad as my stories can be at least I haven't called 911...yet. On the off chance it happens to me it will definitely make a great post.

Who knew there was so much kink going on in Alaska?

D.S. White said...

Hey Eric,

Thanks for stopping by. Your pun wasn't that bad. Glad you enjoyed the joke. Stop by again, anytime!

Peace,
Dee

TEN33GIRL said...

Ahhhh.... adventures in dispatching. Isn't it fun ;p

T. Willie said...

How do you leave it at work?

Eric said...

Cyborg: thanks for dropping by!

Two words: compartmentalization.
Okay that's one word. But it works. If I am doing my job, then folks get help as soon as humanly possible and that's the best I can do.

If I took the time to weep for every tragedy, I would not have any precious bodily fluids left.

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