Tuesday, April 05, 2005

It's the End of the World As We Know It

The apocalypse may be upon us.

Tom Brokaw, NBC anchorman, writer of the best seller “The Greatest Generation,” and probably best known for his inability to pronounce the letter “L,” is no longer the NBC news anchor. At least he got to leave on his own terms.

Dan Rather, CBS anchorman, antagonizer of President Richard Nixon, famed reporter, and probably best known for being a raving lunatic (exactly what was Kenneth’s frequency anyway?) has stepped down amid a scandal.

Peter Jennings, ABC anchorman, Canadian, and not really known for much of anything weird, has lung cancer. He may return to the nightly news. But he may not. I wish him a speedy recovery either way.

No news anchors. TV nightly news is dying.

But that’s not all, merely one portent of doom. Read on, if you dare.

While getting ready for a magazine cover shoot for Vanity Fair, the cast members of the best new show on network television “Desperate Housewives” had a big hissing cat fight. Some are not talking to others. Imagine: five divas in the cast and someone has her panties in a bunch? Say it isn’t so.

Monaco’s Prince Rainier came in third in my Dead Pool. Died today at 81 years of age.

“Sopranos” actor Vincent Pastore allegedly assaulted his girlfriend over the weekend. “Big Pussy” is in big trouble.

American troops are still dying nearly every day in Iraq.

The death of arguably the most noteworthy Pope in centuries has bumped alleged sicko Michael Jackson out of the news for only about three days.

And the final omen, the rider on the pale horse, is the announcement that UPN has signed a deal with Britney Spears and her husband to show their wedding videos and assorted footage to substantiate the validity of her marriage. Upwards of five episodes of Britney TV.

To quote the poet Charlie Brown:



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