"We've got a truckload of vibrators. Hold on, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!"

Aug 25, 4:44 PM (ET)

HANOI, Vietnam (AP) - Authorities in Vietnam's southern commercial hub of Ho Chi Minh City seized one ton of Chinese-made sex toys, aphrodisiacs and other sexual stimulants, state-controlled media reported Friday.

Police and market inspectors Thursday confiscated the illegal shipment, which included more than 10,000 tablets of Viagra, sex toys and sexual stimulants in the form of tablets, powder and liquid hidden in a truckload of onions, the Laborer newspaper said.

The newspaper quoted a truck driver Mai Ngoc Hoang as saying he was hired to transport the goods from the northern province of Lang Son bordering China to Ho Chi Minh City.

Hoang was detained for questioning and police are investigating the case, the report said.

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When I read this story I instantly thought "Wow, what kind of sexually repressed third world country would require someone to smuggle a load of sex toys to it?"

Then it hit me like a… well like something made of silicone: Alabama.

You can't buy a vib-er-ator in Alabammer.
~~

Immediately the mind flashes back to Artho Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant Massacre. I can envision the following scene:

I'm sitting on the group W bench with father stabbers… mother rapers… mother stabbers… father rapers!

One of the meanest ugliest nastiest of them all leans over and says to me "Whatcha in for?"

I says "smuggling a load of dildos across state lines."

And they all move away.

"and resisting arrest."

And they all move back and we sat there smokin' cigarettes and talking about mother stabbin', father rapin' and all sorts of groovy stuff when Alice…

Remember Alice? This is a song about Alice…