Thursday, December 15, 2005

I’ll See Your Milky Cocoa Puff and Raise You a Badonkadonk

I’ve never considered myself a country music fan, but living with and driving with my wife has afforded me the opportunity to expand my musical horizons.

The day before yesterday we discovered a song which is as irresistible as “My Humps” but has a better riff and much, much worse lyrics.

This song is Trace Adkins’ grindy, crunchy, driving “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”

First we didn’t know the hell he was saying and then it became clear: badonkadonk.

What in the name of sweet Jesus is a badonkadonk?

It turns out the internet has an answer to this question like so many others.

According to Zillapedia!, a badonkadonk is either
a skinny girl/women with a big butt
butt, bottom, rear-end, buttocks

So here’s a small taste of the lyrics:

“… Now Honey, you can't blame her
For what her mama gave her
You ain't gotta hate her
For workin' that money-maker
Band shuts down at two
But we're hangin' out till three
We hate to see her go
But love to watch her leave
With that honky tonk badonkadonk
Keepin' perfect rhythm
Make ya wanna swing along
Got it goin' on
Like Donkey Kong
And whoo-wee
Shut my mouth, slap your grandma
There outta be a law
Get the Sheriff on the phone
Lord have mercy, how's she even get them britches on
With that honky tonk badonkadonk…”

Okay, this guy went to the same lyric writing school as Lenny Kravitz.

Witness a snippet from “Are You Gonna Go My Way”

“…I don't know why we always cry
This we must leave and get undone
We must engage and rearrange
And turn this planet back to one
So tell me why we got to die
And kill each other one by one
We've got to hug and rub-a-dub
We've got to dance and be in love

But what I really want to know is
Are you gonna go my way?
And I got to got to know…”

Two things:

1) If the girl with the big butt in Adkins’ masterpiece has got it goin’ on, well that’s just fine. But I’ve never considered Donkey Kong all that attractive or sexually arousing. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never lived in the south.

2) I agree with Mr. Kravitz, Helen Willis’ son, that we shouldn’t be killing each other and that the energies spent in violence would better be directed toward love. That being said, “rub-a-dub” in my mind leads to the inevitable “three men in a tub,” which (although there’s nothing wrong with that) is not my personal idea of sexually arousing either.

What these songs have done, and I wouldn’t have guessed it, is increase my interest in Karaoke.

No, I don’t want to hear amateur singers belt out these craptacular lyrics, rather I wish to hear the songs WITHOUT lyrics.

Oh and if Trace tries to slap my grandma, I think he might have difficulty getting his own britches on with my boot up his badonkadonk.

But that’s just me.


Sandy said...

Its all about interpretation--I took the lyrics for te Badonkadonk as the country of Sir Mixalot--"Baby got back"--a song that once its on you just gotta move and sing a long.! The donky kong reference to me was equal to the Anaconda reference from baby got back--in my interpretation. Kravitz song-I took the rub a dub reference as the hug, funky hand shake stuff but then I kill ya. So whether you like big butts, anacondas, donkeys or three men in a tub, there are songs for everyones interpretations out there. Song for thought. !!

Still Searching... said...

A badonkadonk? Oh my! Actually, I think I kind of like that word...makes me snicker with glee!

Lindsey said...

lol this is one of my favorite posts...made me laugh, mainly because I sing along to the Badonkadonk song, and well the the "my humps" song lol

Great entry! very funny!

John Cowart said...

And here I was just looking for Christmas carols on the dial...

Rhoda IV said...

God I hate Lenny Kravitz.

Evil Minx said...

Thank you for introducing the word "badonkadonk" into my life, Eric.

I feel enriched.

La Minxxxxxxx

STL said...

Enjoyable visit to your blog! I hope you will reciprocate by coming to my shopping site Enduring Collections. We are a portal to over 500 merchants you will recognize. Whether you are shopping for pearls or other fine merchandise, the chances are you will find it here.

Jeff said...

My favorite country song goes like this...

"Cut off my dick with a power tool... fixin' the hole where the meteor hit the barn..."

Need I say more?

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work »