The Panic Blog: March 2008

Monday, March 31, 2008

Battle: Dogfood

Hills Prescription Diet R/D dog food $2.50 per can

NonFat Plain Yogurt $2.49 per quart

Proof that I've watched entirely too much
Iron Chef on the Food Network: Priceless

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I am more important than YOU , another Good Samaritan story

It doesn’t pay to help people. Did I mention that earlier?

And I'm not kidding in the slightest. In almost all situations I am number one. Okay, so my wife could come first. Perhaps a child of mine, perhaps not depending on if their room was clean as per instructed.

But generally I come before you.

Should the airplane cabin lose pressure, I will be putting on my oxygen mask on first. Then I'll help you.

I am unlikely to run into a burning building. I'm not a fireman. I don't have rescue equipment with me (the least of which being breathing equipment).

I'll be the guy calling 911. I can do that safely.

Why do I mention this again and again and again? To prevent you from becoming a victim like this lady:

Woman Trying to Help After Crash Bitten

Mar 27, 9:57 PM (ET)

NEW CASTLE, Ind. (AP) - A woman who tried to help after a car crash was punched and bitten by the man she was trying to assist, police said. "It was just crazy. I was just trying to help," 28-year-old Danielle Herndon of New Castle said Wednesday.

Rex Allen Shannon, 21, Middletown, was being held Wednesday night in eastern Indiana's Henry County Jail on charges of battery resulting in bodily injury, battery by body waste, intimidation, public intoxication, driving while intoxicated and resisting law enforcement. His bond was set at $39,500.

Two of the charges are felonies with a possible penalty of two to eight years in prison; three are felonies punishable by six months to three years in prison.

Authorities said Herndon was riding home from Indianapolis with her mother on Interstate 70 Tuesday night when a car driven by Shannon passed her in the grass, crossed the highway, flipped and landed south of the road.

"I thought he was dead," Herndon said.

Her mother, who was driving, pulled over and Herndon called 911, then ran to the other car. Shannon already had climbed out, she said.

"I leaned down and asked him 'Are you OK?' I didn't see any blood or anything. 'Are you OK? Is everything OK?' And he started cussing me," Herndon said.

Shannon then charged toward her mother and hit and bit Herndon when she got in the way, Herndon said.

"He was still biting me when the cops finally showed up," Herndon said.

When Indiana State Police Trooper Dave Whitinger arrived, he handcuffed Shannon. When another police officer and a medic arrived, Shannon kicked and spat on both men, Whitinger said.

"In 11 years I'd never seen anything like it," Whitinger said. "Definitely a weird one."

Herndon said the ring finger on her left hand was broken and doctors told her that her nose might also be broken.
---
Information from: The Star Press, http://www.thestarpress.com

And, um... "battery by body waste" ??

Yick

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Panhandlers: I Shit You Not

I received a 911 call earlier today from a woman who was curious what number to dial to report a male harassing her. I told her that if it was going on right now, 911 was fine – do tell.

She said she was panhandling at one of our fair city's most lucrative corners and a drunk male, also panhandling, had been belligerent and shoved her. They were both standing on the raised median between lanes (4 lanes one direction, 3 lanes the other).

I asked the caller where officers could meet her for contact. She said she was still in the median. I told her she needed to get out of the street and pick a corner that she’d be safe at.

She said, I’ll just wait in my car.

Um… okay. What kind of car?

I’ll be in my 1998 (ubiquitous SUV).

~~~

Wait – wait – wait. She’s a panhandler by profession and drives a 1998 SUV ? And I know the parking lot she had parked at. – she’s not camping there at night. She drives this vehicle.

Granted that it is a 10 year old vehicle and could be a POS but c’mon – it’s only 2 years older than my ubiquitous SUV! And she’s calling me from a cellular phone. How much does that cost? I know how much it costs me and I consider it something of a luxury.

These are your charity dollars at work, people.

If you continue to give money to panhandlers this is where it goes and you are only perpetuating the problem.

Oh and by the way, if you wish to invoke the Good Samaritan story in the Bible – you’re drinking the wrong color Kool-Aid.

Luke 10:30-37
(The PanicBlog translation, your Bible may vary)
A guy was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. Banditos beat him up and left him for dead. (PanicBlog note: Bear in mind the half-dead guy had no sign mentioning he would work for food or that he was a Maccabean War Veteran.)
A priest walked up the same road and, upon seeing said half-dead guy, stepped to the other side of the road and kept walking. A second passerby, evidently wearing Levi’s, did the very same thing.

A third passerby, this one a Samaritan, saw the miserable heap of human flesh laying on the side of the road and did what? (PanicBlog note: Did he give him $20. No. Did he simply give the guy a meal? Nope.)

What G-Sam did was this: He bandaged the victim’s wounds. He poured oil and wine on him. He loaded him up into his donkey (which incidentally was the SUV of its time and considered something of a ‘sweet ride.’) He took him to the Motel VI where he then took care of him and paid for his food and lodging. He also gave the guy 2 silver coins. (PanicBlog note: Considering that Judas Iscariot sold out the Son of God for 30 silver coins, this was some tall green).

Sooooo, boys and girls. If you want to help the homeless – go all the way. Take ‘em home. Set them up with health care and some spending money.

Or perhaps spend your panhandler money more wisely and give it to a social service agency which will do all of those things. There are many of them and you know which ones they are.

Another thing to consider was the story Luke failed to mentioned: The story of G-Sam’s brother, we’ll call him “D-Sam” for Dead Samaritan who was shanked in the eye with a spork when stopping to aid a homeless looking subject. His case wasn’t so parable-worthy as his brother.

** yes, I know, there is a whole different point to the Good Samaritan story which has to do with racial tolerance. I don’t claim to be any kind of religious scholar. I don’t even claim to be the least bit religious.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Science Saturday

Greek dig yields evidence of early brain surgery

The skull of a young woman shows a wound that indicates an attempt to
save her life, nearly 1,800 years ago.
From the Associated Press
March 15, 2008
THESSALONIKI, GREECE -- Greek archaeologists have unearthed evidence of what they believe was brain surgery performed nearly 1,800 years ago on a young woman who died during or shortly after the operation (the rest of the story)

Just a few feet away archaeologists unearthed evidence of the first medical malpractice lawsuit. (insert rim-shot)

Photos: Greek Culture Ministry, Coinlink

Friday, March 14, 2008

Creepy Batman Poster

photo: http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/onesheet.jpg

Friday, March 07, 2008

Write Your Own Joke

or even your own diatribe about racism. Your pick.

From the upcoming movie Tropic Thunder.

Yes, the black guy is Robert Downey Jr.

And the blonde is Jack Black but that's less interesting.

Photos: Daily Mail UK

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Stupid Laws, Drugs Edition

City may ban little baggies

March 5, 2008

BY FRAN SPIELMAN City Hall Reporter
Chicago Sun-Times

Tiny plastic bags used to sell small quantities of heroin, crack cocaine, marijuana and other drugs would be banned in Chicago, under a crackdown advanced Tuesday by a City Council committee.

Ald. Robert Fioretti (2nd) persuaded the Health Committee to ban possession of "self-sealing plastic bags under two inches in either height or width," after picking up 15 of the bags on a recent Sunday afternoon stroll through a West Side park.

Lt. Kevin Navarro, commanding officer of the Chicago Police Department's Narcotics and Gang Unit, said the ordinance will be an "important tool" to go after grocery stores, health food stores and other businesses. The bags are used by the thousand to sell small quantities of drugs at $10 or $20 a bag. (read the rest of the story)

McFly!

With respect to Lt Navarro, who likely spends a lot of time with druggies, and Alderman Fioretti, who likely spends a lot of time trying to convince people he's doing a something to help them, this is amazingly silly and a poor use of time and energy.

Let's list a bunch of other perfectly innocuous items which could be outlawed due to their ties to drug use:

glass tubing
matches
steel wool
disposable lighters
hollow car antennae
aluminum foil
aluminum beverage cans
coffee
condoms
balloons
rock salt
rubbing alcohol
drain cleaner
acetone
brake fluid
rat poison
metal spoons

Banning tiny plastic bags to stop drug dealing is like banning alcoholic beverages to stop venereal disease.

Photo:
www.fantasticstamper.com which I sincerely doubt is catering to the drug trade.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Skinny G is PG !!

Alaska Gov. Palin Expecting 5th Child

Mar 5, 11:38 PM (ET)

By STEVE QUINN
(AP) Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin speaks in Washington, in this Sunday, Feb. 24, 2008 file photo. Palin said...
Full Image
JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) - Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband are expecting their fifth child in May, she announced Wednesday.
Palin, 44, who just two months ago was modeling for the fashion magazine Vogue, doesn't look seven months pregnant.
"I will be delivering an addition to the first family," Palin told a stunned group of reporters.
The Republican governor, now in her second year as Alaska's chief executive, said she does not believe the pregnancy will affect her ability to run the state. Palin has been mentioned as a potential running mate on the Republican presidential ticket.

She said her work as Wasilla mayor had only a brief interruption when she had her youngest daughter, Piper, six years ago.
"I had Piper on a Monday and I was back to work on a Tuesday," Palin said. "I even brought her to work with me."
Todd Palin, a worker in the North Slope oil fields, is on leave from his job with oil giant BP.
The other Palin children are Track, 18; Bristol 17; Willow 13; and Piper, 6.
Track enlisted in the Army last year and has been assigned to Fort Wainwright in Fairbanks.
Former Massachusetts Gov. Jane Swift was the nation's first governor to give birth while in office. She had twin girls May 15, 2001.
---

Congratulations and best wishes to our beloved Governor.

Oh and who wants in the "Palin child name contest" ?

Consider her other choices carefully before proceeding.

My picks:
If she's a girl: ANWR for obvious reasons related to abstinence education
If he's a boy: GRIZZLY

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Gary Gygax July 27, 1938 – March 4, 2008

Dungeons & Dragons creator Gary Gygax dies

Agence France-Presse

CHICAGO - Gary Gygax, co-creator of the iconic Dungeons & Dragons fantasy game and considered the father of modern role-playing gaming, died in his home Tuesday, his wife said.

Gygax had been suffering from a number of health problems including an incurable heart aneurism, Gail Gygax said. He was 69. (the rest of this article)

It's easy to mock folks who play or have played role playing games as geeks or nerds or whatever. Sure, you bet. But RPG games live on in person and through the internet. You've probably played more than one.

Gary Gygax enriched the lives of a lot of people through his games.
He had a dream and he rocked that mother fucker.