Saturday, November 29, 2008

Bathroom Sex Scandal Ruined My Life

Not my life but this lady’s life.

DesMoines Register, Staci Hupp, November 26, 2008

A Carroll woman who was caught having sex in the men's room at an Iowa Hawkeye football game in Minneapolis last weekend says she’d had so much wine before kickoff that she doesn’t remember walking into the restroom, the man she had sex with in a stall, or when the police opened the door.

What L--- F------, 38, will remember is the humiliation afterward.

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

F------, a married mother of three, has been the target of Internet jokes and prank telephone calls today. She was fired this morning from an assisted living center, where she had been an administrator.

F------ said her husband, K----, has been supportive. She said he faults himself for not going with her when she left her seat to use the restroom before halftime.

“I don’t know what happened,” L--- F------ said. “But I don’t deny that it did happen because obviously there are police reports.”

Police ticketed F------, 38, and R--- W----, 26, of Linden for indecent conduct Saturday night.

A security guard who said he saw the two having sex through a gap in a men’s restroom stall flagged down campus police, according to the police report.

By the time an officer arrived, about a dozen people were cheering and laughing in the bathroom while F------ and W---- were inside the stall, the report said.

The officer pushed his way through the crowd, opened the door and separated F------ and W----, the report said.

Police described both F------ and W---- as upset, drunk and uncooperative.

Chuck Miner, deputy chief of the University of Minnesota police department, said officers tracked down F------’s husband.

“I’m not sure how they made contact with her husband, but they needed her husband to help identify her” because she’d given the wrong middle name.

Miner said police didn’t measure the blood-alcohol level of F------ or W----. Asked to respond to F------’s claim that she was too drunk to recall the incident, Miner said: “That’s probably an accurate statement.”

F------ said she’d never met W----.

“I don’t know who this man is,” she said today. “I just found out his name in the paper last night.”

W---- wasn’t immediately available for comment.

Carroll, F------’s hometown, is about 60 miles northwest of Linden, where W---- lives.

F------, who describes herself as a light drinker, drank wine at the home of family friends before the football game.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

F------ said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

F------ said her husband accompanied her to the game, but their friends stayed home.

She said she remembers sitting in the stands one moment and the next “being slammed around by a cop and screaming.”

“Apparently I was panicked and very uncooperative,” she said.

F------ said she “ran away” from her husband [at] the Metrodome after the incident.

She said a woman she didn’t know offered her a ride home about 11 p.m.

F------ said she gave her husband’s cell phone number to the woman, who called K---- F------ for directions to the couple’s hotel.

L--- F------ said her attorney has encouraged her to fight the ticket.

“He feels I was taken advantage of in my state of mind,” she said. “This is not me. We’re a very good family. This shouldn’t happen.”

Miner, the campus police officer, said fighting the indecent conduct charge could be a long shot.

“It’s spelled out in the law in Minnesota that intoxication is not a defense to any crime,” he said.

I redacted the names to protect the guilty but I have questions.

In my jurisdiction if you have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to consent then you are a dirty, dirty rapist (you would be shocked how many recruits I’ve had to explain this to in detail because they believe if you get drunk you deserve what you get).

So is R--- W--- a rapist? And if not, why not? And even if there’s a possibility of such why on Earth would the paper publish the victim’s name? There are rape-shield laws about that kind of thing.

Evidently the police have ruled out this possibility.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if your potential sex partner is very intoxicated and is a stranger, or you intend to claim he/she is a stranger, JUST SAY NO. You don’t want any part of that action and you don’t want to be considered a date-rapist.


How often does L--- F------ blackout from drinking? Shouldn’t she get some serious help? She could have conceivably been charged with assault on a police officer. She also fled from her husband and ended up getting a ride with another stranger. So she’s still in danger at that point.

And while she states that her husband blames himself and she doesn’t blame him… um. She blames a lot of other people.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

F------ said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

L--- F------ said her attorney has encouraged her to fight the ticket.

“He feels I was taken advantage of in my state of mind,” she said. “This is not me. We’re a very good family. This shouldn’t happen.”

It shouldn’t have happened, she’s right about that. She shouldn’t have drank so much, her husband shouldn’t have taken her to the game, she shouldn’t have hooked up with the guy in the restroom, he shouldn’t have hooked up with her.

And what about her kids?

I hate to blame the victim here but I’m willing to bet there’s more to this story.


and here's a little more, but still something stinks.

Woman in Metrodome sex incident says she was victim


Friday, November 28, 2008, Daily Times Herald

MINNEAPOLIS - While police say a high-profile indecent conduct case in the Minneapolis Metrodome Saturday is closed, a Carroll woman involved in it told the Daily Times Herald she believes she was a victim of foul play rather than a willing collaborator.

F------, 38, of Carroll, and R---. W----, 26, of Linden, were ticketed for indecent conduct after they were reportedly caught engaging in sexual activity in a Metrodome men's restroom handicapped stall during the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers game with the Iowa Hawkeyes. More than a dozen people in the restroom were cheering F------ and W---- by the time authorities arrived, a University of Minnesota Police report says.

F------ acknowledged drinking heavily before the game and says she doesn't remember being in the bathroom.

"I would never ever do that,"
F------ said. "My kids are my life. I go to church every Sunday."

Information obtained in police reports and during an interview with University of Minnesota Police Chief Greg Hestness revealed no suggestion or evidence that the incident was anything but consensual on the part of both W---- and

F------ tells the Daily Times Herald she may have been drugged or otherwise victimized.

"Everybody thinks something got put in my drink,"
F------ said.

She offers no further details as to how that might have happened or who may have been involved.

"Right, and that's what my attorney and I are working on," F------ said.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Atlanta Aquarium Horror

I promised you some Atlanta stories but I’ve found it difficult to compose my thoughts, what with the trauma I endured at the Atlanta Aquarium.

I had not been to an aquarium since I was a kid so I was not prepared for exactly how peaceful and beautiful it would be. The Atlanta Aquarium has a beluga whale in residence and I probably could have watched it for hours diving, twisting, and spinning underwater.

Jellyfish too. I love me some jellyfish, provided they are safely in a tank.

But there was an aspect of the aquarium experience for which I was unprepared – the tactile experience.

I have two rules that I seldom break: I don’t talk to strangers and I don’t want strangers to touch me. It’s not a Howie Mandel sort of thing, I’m just not a touchy kind of person. I should have afforded the aquatic life in Atlanta the same privilege.

I’d blame peer pressure because all the cool kids were touching the starfish and the anemones and even sharks and rays but I could have said ‘no.’ I didn’t even think. I was all for bellying up to the touching bar.

And then I met the shrimp.

Shrimp are, to put it charitably, alien sea-bugs. I don’t even know why I wanted to pet one.

The shrimp tank was elevated so I that one must stand on a little step then lean over to reach inside. I have T-Rex arms so I had to not only lean over but reach my arm up to the elbow in the water. The cold water.

The shrimp petting rules were as follows: touch them only with two fingers and you have to sneak up behind them with those fingers because they’ll dart away from you if they see you with those “eye on a stick” things.

So I tried to pet a couple of relatively small ones but they just laughed and darted away when they saw my ham-hands approaching. At least I think they were laughing.

Then it happened. I tried to swoop in on a big brown shrimp. And it worked. He never even saw me coming. But then it went terribly, terribly wrong.

When petted its back it apparently didn’t know the rules, at least the rules as I had imagined. Instead of darting forward or backward or to one side or another it went in a direction I had not even considered: straight up and at my hand.

My response was not the Steven Seagal aikido screaming eagle shrimp-dodge.

My response was more “sea-bug, Sea-Bug, SEA-BUG!” and pulling my arm out of the water with amazing speed.

That would have been fine if my arm had not collected half a gallon of water with it as it surfaced like some sort of humpback whale. Did I mention it was cold water?

Splash, all over my shirt. Mother trucker.

The shrimp wrangler guy started laughing. I gave him my “this wasn’t all that funny Mr. Shrimp Wrangler” look which instantly made him cover his mouth with his hand and laugh harder but more quietly. When he caught his breath he said, in the least sincere or comforting way I have ever encountered, “Oh don’t worry about it. People do that all the time.” Yeah. I’m sure.


So I went from simple aquarium attendee to loser of the world’s worst wet t-shirt contest.

Luckily I was mostly dry by the time we had walked over to CNN to ride the world’s largest escalator and take the studio tour. Although we got to see Dr Sanjay Gupta prepare for some sort of piece, I was still bitter about that shrimp. I think I was suffering the effects of PTSD. Post Traumatic Shrimp Disorder.

I vowed to have my revenge.

Later in the evening, revenge I had. Revenge on a stick!

All photos are mine except the brown shrimp which is from

Friday, November 21, 2008

Skinny G needs a vacation

By now you’ve seen it.

By it I mean my Governor, Sarah “Skinny G” Palin, giving an interview to KTUU in front of a guy slaughtering turkeys. If you didn’t here it is:

This whole mess started out fine enough. She’s a former small-town Mayor who is currently a small-state Governor who likes to do folksy small-town stuff like doing a photo-op pardoning a small-town turkey before Thanksgiving.

It’s an odd tradition but it’s quaint. It’s cute. It’s even symbolically humane.

Then it started to turn odd. She made it clear that just one turkey would be pardoned and that the rest were good eatin’. Fair enough. She’s a hunter, she’s probably even a scavenger, and she’s a politician so she’s naturally inclined to give with one hand and take with the other. Again, odd but almost cute.

Then she gives the post-pardon interview. And you either knew what you were seeing in the background or you weren’t sure at first. But yes, as a matter of fact, it was a guy in blood-stained Carhartts putting a turkey upside down into a funnel thing then cutting off its head and letting the blood drain into a trough. And then a second turkey.

Gore times 2. (Something of a Republican nightmare pun, that)

All the while she’s talking about the Presidential campaign and saying really ironic things, given the slaughter in the background

“.. it’s pretty brutal…”

Then during the death-throws of the second turkey

“… Oooh, this was, this was neat. I was happy to get invited to participate in this, for one you need a little levity in this job… it’s just nice to participate in something to promote a local business and that’s not so heavy handed politics that invites criticism. Certainly we’ll invite criticism doin’ this too but at least this was fun…”

When asked what she was cooking for Thanksgiving

“I’ll be in charge of the turkey. Yeah, my sisters and my mom will be bringin’ everything else but I’m always in charge of the turkey…”

Then, as God is my witness and please re-wind and look at it again if you have to, she gives a crazed stand-up comedian look and then finishes

“so I’m where I need to be today.”

Actually I think Skinny G needs to do the traditional Alaskan holiday thing and be in Hawaii. And not Oahu but on a tiny island far away from TV cameras and reporters.

We’ll be okay. She was gone for a month or so and we did fine. She’s had a very full summer / fall (well both “autumn” and “fall” as it turns out) and she needs some alone time.

Please Skinny G.

For yourself, for us, for America, and for The Iraq - take a vacation. We’ll all still be here when you get back.

And bring back some chocolate-covered macadamia nuts, Alaskans love those things.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

CIT Dispatchers, you bet. CIT Pilots?

Air hostess helped land passenger jet after co-pilot had 'breakdown' over the Atlantic

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 9:56 AM on 20th November 2008

An air hostess helped land a jet carrying 146 passengers after the co-pilot had an apparent mental breakdown over the Atlantic Ocean, investigators revealed today.

The UK-bound plane made an emergency diversion to Shannon Airport, in Ireland, last January after the Air Canada flight officer began a ‘rambling and disjointed’ conversation, said an official report.

Another attendant suffered wrist injuries as the crew forcibly removed the co-pilot from the cockpit controls and restrained him in a seat in the cabin.

The captain of the Boeing 767 from Toronto to Heathrow asked staff to seek out any trained pilots onboard.

One of the female cabin crew came forward saying she had a commercial pilot’s licence and was asked to take over in the co-pilot’s seat.

The captain praised the attendant to investigators for helping him safely land the plane at Shannon, where the ill flight officer was removed and admitted to the acute psychiatric unit of Ennis Regional Hospital for 11 days.

He was later flown home to Canada by an air ambulance for further care, according to the investigation.

The official report into the incident by the Irish Air Accident Investigation Unit (AAIU) did not explicitly refer to the co-pilot’s medical condition.

But it recorded the views of two doctors onboard that he was in a ‘confused and disorientated state’.

The captain also reported that his colleague became uncharacteristically ‘belligerent and unco-operative’ and was ‘effectively incapacitated’.

One passenger at the time reported seeing the distraught co-pilot yelling for God as he was being restrained.

The AAIU praised the actions of both the captain and crew in diverting to the nearest airport and removing the co-pilot from the controls.

‘For his own well-being and the safety of the aircraft, the most appropriate course of action was to stand him down from duty and seek medical attention which was available on board,’ said the report.

‘The commander (captain) realising he was faced with a difficult and serious situation used tact and understanding and kept control of the situation at all times.

‘The situation was dealt with in a professional manner... As such, the commander and flight attendants should be commended for their professionalism in the handling of this event.’

There were no safety recommendations from the investigation.

Although flying sucks for a big fat guy such as myself, I consider myself a pretty mellow passenger.

That being said, if the crew starts saying "Peanuts or pretzels, sir? And do you happen to know how to fly a commerical aircraft?" I'd imagine I'd quietly crap myself.

All kidding aside, how cool is it that the crew could efficiently take care of a psychotic co-pilot? Flippin' CIT Pilot of the year, that one.

Sunday, November 09, 2008