Lovin' Alaska

Yesterday the lawn was completely clear of snow and the day before it was 60 degrees.
Most folks have already replaced their studded snow tires with their summer tires.

Today it has snowed a foot and we expect another foot by tomorrow morning. And it's that heavy wet heart-attack snow.

Work tomorrow is going to be nothing but accidents and vehicles in ditches.

Yum.

Another Panhandler Story

This one from Salt Lake City, Utah

Needy or Greedy? Panhandler Seen By 2News Living In Sugar House

The story describes a young woman who makes, roughly, $50 per hour and instead of being homeless, as her sign suggests, she lives at her mother's house.

I'm a liberal so I'm all for charity. Do I give enough to charitable organizations? Nope. Should I give way more? Yup.

But, as I've said many times before (list of panhandler stories), panhandlers piss me right off.

You've been warned, people, if you give money to panhandlers you are perpetuating the problem. You are being duped. You are undoubtedly a well-meaning person but you are being taken advantage of. Oh and here's a story out of Denver, Colorado with more numbers.

Better to spend you money on hookers, at least they WORK for a living.

~~
Photo: http://www.sptimes.com/2007/01/19/Pasco/Got_beer_He_could_use.shtml

A Baby Boy For Skinny G

Alaska Governor Sarah "Skinny G" Palin is the proud mother of newborn boy:

Trig Paxson Van Palin

The story is here: Gov. Palin gives birth to son

It remains unclear where "Trig" comes from but "Paxson" is a teenie-tiny Alaskan town north of Glennallen (which is also a tiny town).

And yes, the "Van" is because "Van Palin" sounds cool to the Governor who loves her 80's rock bands.

Best wishes to Skinny G and the whole Palin clan from her friends at the Panic Blog

Never Mess With an Angry Chicken Flinger

Clemson woman allegedly acts out during Wal-Mart termination process

By Pearce Adams (Contact)
Originally published 10:49 a.m., March 31, 2008
Updated 10:49 a.m., March 31, 2008

ANDERSON — A Clemson woman is facing charges of going “postal” at Wal-Mart in Anderson, causing $2,800 in damage when store managers terminated her from her job in the store's delicatessen.

Shanay Buie allegedly became upset about 3:30 p.m. Friday at 3812 Liberty Hwy.

“She returned to the deli and threw 2 chickens at 2 customers,” according to the
incident report. “At that time, she also threw on the ground 2 printers worth about $1,000 each. She also threw to the ground 2 sets of dishes worth about $400 a set.”

An arrest has not been made, according to records at the Anderson City Jail.

~~~
News from The Independent Mail
buy your own Slingshot Flying Chicken with Scream Sound
(and I don't get anything for shilling for them but since I'm using their picture it seems only fair to plug them)

Silly Poetry Saturday

not haiku, just three line poems

Your warm embrace protects me

like gelatin surrounding Vienna Sausages

to prevent their damage in transit

***

Gas prices are high

but not as high as the gas price paid

after eating too much Mexican food

Photos

Vienna Sausages

Mexican Food

Why I Hate Politicians , example #1

I want to like John McCain, I really do.

War hero: undeniable

Not a Christian Conservative Zealot – also a plus

And yet… well, just read this quote:

Weaver is John Weaver, [McCain's] senior adviser
Brian is Mr. Jones, [McCain's] press secretary

Reporter: “Should U.S. taxpayer money go to places like Africa to fund contraception to prevent AIDS?”

Mr. McCain: “Well I think it’s a combination. The guy I really respect on this is Dr. Coburn. He believes – and I was just reading the thing he wrote– that you should do what you can to encourage abstinence where there is going to be sexual activity. Where that doesn’t succeed, than he thinks that we should employ contraceptives as well. But I agree with him that the first priority is on abstinence. I look to people like Dr. Coburn. I’m not very wise on it.”

(Mr. McCain turns to take a question on Iraq, but a moment later looks back to the reporter who asked him about AIDS.)

Mr. McCain: “I haven’t thought about it. Before I give you an answer, let me think about. Let me think about it a little bit because I never got a question about it before. I don’t know if I would use taxpayers’ money for it.”

Q: “What about grants for sex education in the United States? Should they include instructions about using contraceptives? Or should it be Bush’s policy, which is just abstinence?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “Ahhh. I think I support the president’s policy.”

Q: “So no contraception, no counseling on contraception. Just abstinence. Do you think contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV?”

Mr. McCain: (Long pause) “You’ve stumped me.”

Q: “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?”

Mr. McCain: (Laughs) “Are we on the Straight Talk express? I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it on the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception – I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”

Q: “But you would agree that condoms do stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Would you say: ‘No, we’re not going to distribute them,’ knowing that?”

Mr. McCain: (Twelve-second pause) “Get me Coburn’s thing, ask Weaver to get me Coburn’s paper that he just gave me in the last couple of days. I’ve never gotten into these issues before.”

Originally from Adam Nagourney at The Caucus, The New York Times Politics Blog
But I saw it first on First Door on the Left

What?

Firstly: "I've never gotten into these issues before?" This cannot be the first time he's been asked about abstinence-only sex education and contraception. So he's either daft or a liar.

Secondly: "I refuse to answer until I have LexisNexis and Google'd all of my prior known statements on the issue," should never be an acceptable answer. Would John McCain rather be known as daft or as a liar than be known as a flip-flopper? Can't we just let our politicians (our prospective commander in chief) change their minds over their career on issues?

In this case I'm blaming both the playah and the game.

Thank you, Senator, for being honest enough to tell us why you are not going to answer on this issue but shame on you for not answering at all.

Straight Talk Express, my ass.

Photo by: Media.washingtonpost.com

Battle: Dogfood

Hills Prescription Diet R/D dog food $2.50 per can

NonFat Plain Yogurt $2.49 per quart

Proof that I've watched entirely too much
Iron Chef on the Food Network: Priceless

I am more important than YOU , another Good Samaritan story

It doesn’t pay to help people. Did I mention that earlier?

And I'm not kidding in the slightest. In almost all situations I am number one. Okay, so my wife could come first. Perhaps a child of mine, perhaps not depending on if their room was clean as per instructed.

But generally I come before you.

Should the airplane cabin lose pressure, I will be putting on my oxygen mask on first. Then I'll help you.

I am unlikely to run into a burning building. I'm not a fireman. I don't have rescue equipment with me (the least of which being breathing equipment).

I'll be the guy calling 911. I can do that safely.

Why do I mention this again and again and again? To prevent you from becoming a victim like this lady:

Woman Trying to Help After Crash Bitten

Mar 27, 9:57 PM (ET)

NEW CASTLE, Ind. (AP) - A woman who tried to help after a car crash was punched and bitten by the man she was trying to assist, police said. "It was just crazy. I was just trying to help," 28-year-old Danielle Herndon of New Castle said Wednesday.

Rex Allen Shannon, 21, Middletown, was being held Wednesday night in eastern Indiana's Henry County Jail on charges of battery resulting in bodily injury, battery by body waste, intimidation, public intoxication, driving while intoxicated and resisting law enforcement. His bond was set at $39,500.

Two of the charges are felonies with a possible penalty of two to eight years in prison; three are felonies punishable by six months to three years in prison.

Authorities said Herndon was riding home from Indianapolis with her mother on Interstate 70 Tuesday night when a car driven by Shannon passed her in the grass, crossed the highway, flipped and landed south of the road.

"I thought he was dead," Herndon said.

Her mother, who was driving, pulled over and Herndon called 911, then ran to the other car. Shannon already had climbed out, she said.

"I leaned down and asked him 'Are you OK?' I didn't see any blood or anything. 'Are you OK? Is everything OK?' And he started cussing me," Herndon said.

Shannon then charged toward her mother and hit and bit Herndon when she got in the way, Herndon said.

"He was still biting me when the cops finally showed up," Herndon said.

When Indiana State Police Trooper Dave Whitinger arrived, he handcuffed Shannon. When another police officer and a medic arrived, Shannon kicked and spat on both men, Whitinger said.

"In 11 years I'd never seen anything like it," Whitinger said. "Definitely a weird one."

Herndon said the ring finger on her left hand was broken and doctors told her that her nose might also be broken.
---
Information from: The Star Press, http://www.thestarpress.com

And, um... "battery by body waste" ??

Yick

Panhandlers: I Shit You Not

I received a 911 call earlier today from a woman who was curious what number to dial to report a male harassing her. I told her that if it was going on right now, 911 was fine – do tell.

She said she was panhandling at one of our fair city's most lucrative corners and a drunk male, also panhandling, had been belligerent and shoved her. They were both standing on the raised median between lanes (4 lanes one direction, 3 lanes the other).

I asked the caller where officers could meet her for contact. She said she was still in the median. I told her she needed to get out of the street and pick a corner that she’d be safe at.

She said, I’ll just wait in my car.

Um… okay. What kind of car?

I’ll be in my 1998 (ubiquitous SUV).

~~~

Wait – wait – wait. She’s a panhandler by profession and drives a 1998 SUV ? And I know the parking lot she had parked at. – she’s not camping there at night. She drives this vehicle.

Granted that it is a 10 year old vehicle and could be a POS but c’mon – it’s only 2 years older than my ubiquitous SUV! And she’s calling me from a cellular phone. How much does that cost? I know how much it costs me and I consider it something of a luxury.

These are your charity dollars at work, people.

If you continue to give money to panhandlers this is where it goes and you are only perpetuating the problem.

Oh and by the way, if you wish to invoke the Good Samaritan story in the Bible – you’re drinking the wrong color Kool-Aid.

Luke 10:30-37

(The PanicBlog translation, your Bible may vary)

A guy was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho. Banditos beat him up and left him for dead. (PanicBlog note: Bear in mind the half-dead guy had no sign mentioning he would work for food or that he was a Maccabean War Veteran.)

A priest walked up the same road and, upon seeing said half-dead guy, stepped to the other side of the road and kept walking. A second passerby, evidently wearing Levi’s, did the very same thing.

A third passerby, this one a Samaritan, saw the miserable heap of human flesh laying on the side of the road and did what? (PanicBlog note: Did he give him $20. No. Did he simply give the guy a meal? Nope.)

What G-Sam did was this: He bandaged the victim’s wounds. He poured oil and wine on him. He loaded him up into his donkey (which incidentally was the SUV of its time and considered something of a ‘sweet ride.’) He took him to the Motel VI where he then took care of him and paid for his food and lodging. He also gave the guy 2 silver coins. (PanicBlog note: Considering that Judas Iscariot sold out the Son of God for 30 silver coins, this was some tall green).

Sooooo, boys and girls. If you want to help the homeless – go all the way. Take ‘em home. Set them up with health care and some spending money.

Or perhaps spend your panhandler money more wisely and give it to a social service agency which will do all of those things. There are many of them and you know which ones they are.

Another thing to consider was the story Luke failed to mentioned: The story of G-Sam’s brother, we’ll call him “D-Sam” for Dead Samaritan who was shanked in the eye with a spork when stopping to aid a homeless looking subject. His case wasn’t so parable-worthy as his brother.

** yes, I know, there is a whole different point to the Good Samaritan story which has to do with racial tolerance. I don’t claim to be any kind of religious scholar. I don’t even claim to be the least bit religious.

More Panic blog panhandler stories

Science Saturday

Greek dig yields evidence of early brain surgery

The skull of a young woman shows a wound that indicates an attempt to
save her life, nearly 1,800 years ago.
From the Associated Press
March 15, 2008
THESSALONIKI, GREECE -- Greek archaeologists have unearthed evidence of what they believe was brain surgery performed nearly 1,800 years ago on a young woman who died during or shortly after the operation (the rest of the story)

**

Just a few feet away archaeologists unearthed evidence of the first medical malpractice lawsuit. (insert rim-shot)

Photos: Greek Culture Ministry, Coinlink

Creepy Batman Poster

photo: http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/onesheet.jpg

Write Your Own Joke

or even your own diatribe about racism. Your pick.

From the upcoming movie Tropic Thunder.


Yes, the black guy is Robert Downey Jr.

And the blonde is Jack Black but that's less interesting.

Photos: Daily Mail UK

Stupid Laws, Drugs Edition

City may ban little baggies

March 5, 2008

BY FRAN SPIELMAN City Hall Reporter
Chicago Sun-Times

Tiny plastic bags used to sell small quantities of heroin, crack cocaine, marijuana and other drugs would be banned in Chicago, under a crackdown advanced Tuesday by a City Council committee.

Ald. Robert Fioretti (2nd) persuaded the Health Committee to ban possession of "self-sealing plastic bags under two inches in either height or width," after picking up 15 of the bags on a recent Sunday afternoon stroll through a West Side park.

Lt. Kevin Navarro, commanding officer of the Chicago Police Department's Narcotics and Gang Unit, said the ordinance will be an "important tool" to go after grocery stores, health food stores and other businesses. The bags are used by the thousand to sell small quantities of drugs at $10 or $20 a bag. (read the rest of the story)

McFly!

With respect to Lt Navarro, who likely spends a lot of time with druggies, and Alderman Fioretti, who likely spends a lot of time trying to convince people he's doing a something to help them, this is amazingly silly and a poor use of time and energy.

Let's list a bunch of other perfectly innocuous items which could be outlawed due to their ties to drug use:

glass tubing
matches
steel wool
disposable lighters
hollow car antennae
aluminum foil
aluminum beverage cans
coffee
condoms
balloons
rock salt
rubbing alcohol
drain cleaner
acetone
brake fluid
rat poison
metal spoons

Banning tiny plastic bags to stop drug dealing is like banning alcoholic beverages to stop venereal disease.

Photo:
www.fantasticstamper.com which I sincerely doubt is catering to the drug trade.

Skinny G is PG !!

Alaska Gov. Palin Expecting 5th Child

Mar 5, 11:38 PM (ET)

By STEVE QUINN

(AP) Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin speaks in Washington, in this Sunday, Feb. 24, 2008 file photo. Palin said... Full Image

JUNEAU, Alaska (AP) - Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband are expecting their fifth child in May, she announced Wednesday.

Palin, 44, who just two months ago was modeling for the fashion magazine Vogue, doesn't look seven months pregnant.

"I will be delivering an addition to the first family," Palin told a stunned group of reporters.

The Republican governor, now in her second year as Alaska's chief executive, said she does not believe the pregnancy will affect her ability to run the state. Palin has been mentioned as a potential running mate on the Republican presidential ticket.

She said her work as Wasilla mayor had only a brief interruption when she had her youngest daughter, Piper, six years ago.

"I had Piper on a Monday and I was back to work on a Tuesday," Palin said. "I even brought her to work with me."

Todd Palin, a worker in the North Slope oil fields, is on leave from his job with oil giant BP.

The other Palin children are Track, 18; Bristol 17; Willow 13; and Piper, 6.

Track enlisted in the Army last year and has been assigned to Fort Wainwright in Fairbanks.

Former Massachusetts Gov. Jane Swift was the nation's first governor to give birth while in office. She had twin girls May 15, 2001.

---

Congratulations and best wishes to our beloved Governor.

Oh and who wants in the "Palin child name contest" ?

Consider her other choices carefully before proceeding.

My picks:
If she's a girl: ANWR for obvious reasons related to abstinence education
If he's a boy: GRIZZLY

Gary Gygax July 27, 1938 – March 4, 2008

Dungeons & Dragons creator Gary Gygax dies

Agence France-Presse

CHICAGO - Gary Gygax, co-creator of the iconic Dungeons & Dragons fantasy game and considered the father of modern role-playing gaming, died in his home Tuesday, his wife said.

Gygax had been suffering from a number of health problems including an incurable heart aneurism, Gail Gygax said. He was 69. (the rest of this article)

It's easy to mock folks who play or have played role playing games as geeks or nerds or whatever. Sure, you bet. But RPG games live on in person and through the internet. You've probably played more than one.

Gary Gygax enriched the lives of a lot of people through his games.
He had a dream and he rocked that mother fucker.




Photos:
Gary Gygax
Players Handbook
d20

Jeff Healey March 25, 1966 - March 2, 2008

Musician Jeff Healey dies of cancer
by Jack Spearman and Jessey Bird, Canwest News Service

Photos
http://photo.phui.com/html/JeffHealey_main.shtml
http://butikksenteret.com/bluesbutikken/images/14966.jpg
http://zenekucko.blogspot.com/2007/03/jeff-healey-band-cover-to-cover-1995.html

Madness, Mayhem, and a Side of Slaw

Robber wields spork, police say

Anchorage Daily News

Published: February 27th, 2008 12:49 AM
Last Modified: February 27th, 2008 12:49 AM

A man accused of attempting an armed robbery with what appears to have been a spork was arrested Monday night, when police say they placed him at the scene of the crime through the use of KFC bags, according to Anchorage police.

Police responding to the intersection of 11th Avenue and Turpin Street at about 10:30 p.m. were told the robber tried to grab at the victim's watch, managing to unlatch it but not get it off his wrist, police Lt. Paul Honeman said. The suspect fled without stealing anything, he said.

Police located an intoxicated Peter Albert, 52, a few blocks away with a small pocketknife as well as a backpack containing a KFC bag and some sporks -- plastic spoon/fork hybrids, he said.

Police found other KFC products discarded at the scene of the robbery, Honeman said.

Though the victim reported the robber was swinging a pocketknife, the weapon may have in fact been a spork based on the four parallel scratches officers found on the victim's side, Honeman said. Police have not ruled out a knife was used, however.

Albert was being held at the Anchorage jail in lieu of $5,000 bail on a charge of first-degree robbery.

I'm not suggesting it would be fun to be shanked with a spork but if you examine the contents of any random bag of KFC I wonder how far down the list the spork would be in terms of things which are deadly.

1. chicken injected with enough fat and chemicals that, while tasty, it will make your poop turn green.

2. mashed potatoes, corn, baked beans in sauce - carbs carbs carbs

In fact, that stick they use for the corn on the cob is probably more deadly than the spork.

Yet its just this kind of resourcefulness which gives me hope for the survival of society. If this suspect had used his ingenuity for the forces of good we'd already have solved this global warming problem and I'd be spending my time sharpening sporks to fend off all the polar bears.

Or not.

photo: http://blogs.townonline.com/somerville/?p=11241

A World Away

I listen to the audible.com audio version of the New York Times nearly every weekday morning. Monday the 18^th I heard a story which made me do an audio double-take.

The story by Taimoor Shah and Carlotta Gall was headlined:

At Least 80 Are Killed in Afghan Suicide Bombing

Aww.. that’s horrible, 80 people.

Another piece of the story (skipping down a couple of paragraphs):

“The governor of Kandahar Province, Asadullah Khaled, said 80 people had died and more than 90 had been wounded….

“’This is the action of the enemies of our country,’ Mr. Khaled said. ‘They do not let Afghans enjoy their lives and have a peaceful life....’"

Fair enough. But what kind of peaceful life were these poor victims enjoying at the time of the carnage? Back to the first line of the story:

"...A suicide bomber blew himself up in a large crowd gathered at a dogfighting event just outside this city in southern Afghanistan, killing about 80 people and wounding more than 90 others in the country’s worst single bombing since 2001...."

Dogfighting? What the fuck? I’m not a borderline crazy animal advocate like my lovely wife but dogfighting? Uncool. Granted you shouldn’t be blown up but it woke me up to what kind of backward country Afghanistan still is.

Incidentally I never knew dogfighting was one word. I guess it’s like horseracing but Word doesn’t like it. Oh well, you learn something new every day. Like this:

“...Thousands of people were watching the dogs fighting, including young children and old people. Some people were selling things like oranges and tea and other food from stalls. People had come from different parts of Kandahar Province....”

Perhaps we could introduce more humane sports while we are hunting for Bin Laden. Imagine Tomahawk missiles with payloads of basketballs, baseballs, and even footballs.

Hey, perhaps Michael Vick could play quarterback for the Tora Bora Titans when he gets out of the pokey.

Separated At Birth: Skinny G Edition

Skinny G & Lisa Loeb?

You never see them together.

This picture is of Skinny G, Alaskan singer/songwriter Adele Morgan and, evidently, Will Truman. If you squint you can see Jack and Karen in the background too.




incidentally: Dave's mom wears army boots. really. all the time.

Spoiled by DVR

Yesterday Kelli and I were in the car headed to pick up SugarBaby from her annual dental cleaning when Exile’s “I Want to Kiss You All Over” came on the radio.

It’s one of Kelli’s favorite songs but since we were just pulling into the vet’s office we could only hear the first minute of it. Kelli mentioned how she wished she could hit the “pause” button and resume or replay it after picking up the dog.

It turns out the 2008 Cadillac CTS has just such a feature, at least according to the commercial where the guy says the Cadi makes him feel like Mohammed Ali. No, not old and shaky but the old Ali – quick and powerful.

Anyway, this is an example of how DVR has ruined us. I can hardly watch live TV any more and when I do I constantly rewind to show Kelli something or pause to “hit the ladies” (use the bathroom). Kelli doesn't even necessarily want things replayed for her.

I’ve been known to pause live TV and wash dishes or some other chore just so I can come back in 15 minutes and skip the commercials for the rest of the show.

Soon I’ll be impatient enough to want to pause real life. Just hit the pause button and get back to whatever situation as the mood suits me.

I’d fast forward through dentist appointments and use the “slow” button for when the alarm rings in the morning.

And perhaps this is why I haven’t posted a blog entry since the SuperBowl, I was on “pause.”

Now I’m back, babies.

But not in a creepy way.