Thursday, August 04, 2005

Encore Edition of "Scruffy the Brain Eating Dog"

Lois Lane's latest masterpiece (click here) brought back fond memories. I'm still looking for an illustrator for my children's book. I'll split the whole deal 50/50. Heck, i'll even go 40/60 if I get to be listed as the author in big letters!

Originally written sometime in 2003. Originally posted 5/1/2005.

If i could draw or paint, I would turn this into a childrens book. I envision happy watercolor or chalk drawings with two paired lines of text on each page. But that's just me.


When you are old and live alone
Except for pets inside your home

It comes as no surprise that when
Your life comes to its final end

The pets which you used to feed
Eat your face, to fill their need

Oh sure they’ll scrounge for real food first
Before you are left to quench their thirst

But sooner or later they’ll get to you
And on your face they’ll start to chew

They’ll eat your cheeks, your mouth, your nose
They’ll move on south as hunger grows

Now don’t get upset, it’s not malicious
These pets of yours did not turn vicious

they just needed to eat, and you are handy
they’d prefer something else, you don’t taste like candy

soon the neighbors will start to smell
the gasses which make your body swell

or a relative will require the Police
to do a welfare check, their minds to ease

your pets will be rescued and taken to the pound
while you will be buried six feet in the ground

and you wont mind when your maker you meet
that your pets had your own human remains to eat


Anonymous said...

Is this going to be a pop-up book? :)


Lois Lane said...

LMAO! Thanks for the compliment but this is by far a much bigger masterpiece! Or piece of master. Such a fine line.
Have a great weekend!
Lois Lane

smussyolay said...

it would be cool to have some edward gorey-esque illustrations.

Spinning Girl said...

oh my! Just right for before beddy-bye.