Monday, August 15, 2005

Things that Are Big Fat Lies

For Dorene

I’ve eaten Lucky Charms for most of my life and have never won a lottery or a contest with a big cash prize.

Scotch Magic Tape is neither from Scotland nor, in any way, magic. It’s just tape. From Minnesota at that.

Dust Bunnies are neither rabbits, nor made primarily of dust. They are usually formed from bits of lint and hair.

Rainbow Trout have nothing to do with rainbows. Neat colors, sure, but no pot of gold at the end.

Buffalo Wings: sorry, made of chicken. Chicken Fingers – not fingers at all.

Angel Dust: It’s PCP, not from God.

Irregardless: I hate it; you probably hate it, but it’s made its way into the American English language. Get over it.

And the Turnagain Arm mud flats are made from water and glacial silt, not traditional mud.

As my wife loves to quote from her favorite episode of Frazier,
“You can put a kitten in the oven but that doesn’t make it a biscuit.”

Feel free to add your own big fat lies.


captain_howdy_girl said...

very funny :)

Anonymous said...

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you".

Sparkling said...

Some would say there is a logic behind it all, but that just wouldn't be half as funny.

Lois Lane said...

You covered the best of the lies!
Publisher's Clearinghouse, "You may already be a winner" um, yeah, right. I know how big a loser I am for even playing.
Lois Lane

Anonymous said...

randomly found your blog, and boy am i glad i did. probably the most interesting thing ive read all day.

haha funny, and true. =)


Jessie said...

"We'll get back to you"

Yeah right~ :)

indj said...

great post.

Anonymous said...

Here's one:

I wasn't drunk when I Audio POsted those!

I swear!!!!!!!

Thanks for stopping by!

Jackie Bolen said...

Funny stuff! That's just the way life is I guess.

Anonymous said...

Haven't found a pot o gold at the end of the rainbow yet....

Troy said...

do you climb the mountains in alaska, mckinley???

Anonymous said...

Very cool design! Useful information. Go on! »