Saturday, March 28, 2009

You know times are tough when the vultures don’t wait until you are dead


Vulture Crashes Thru Minivan, Maims Woman

Updated 12:12 PM EDT, Fri, Mar 27, 2009

State police say a turkey vulture injured a passenger when it crashed through a minivan's windshield Friday.

The bird crashed into a red Dodge Caravan at about 8:15 a.m. on Interstate 80 in Parsippany. It whopped 32-year-old Vanessa Hurtado in the face, causing minor cuts. Shards of glass got caught in her eye.

The turkey vulture landed in the middle seat behind the driver, 35-year-old Jorge Hurtado, who wasn't hurt. He told police that the bird was alive for a brief time following the crash; the responding officer pronounced the animal dead at the scene.

Eagle Towing (no pun intended) towed the vehicle away. Vanessa Hurtado first asked that the vulture be removed from the car, lest it marinate in the heat.

Turkey vultures, which are not related to turkeys, generally soar in circles on wind currents and are often seen on highway shoulders eating road kill.

This isn't the first time a turkey vulture has left its mark on a New Jerseyan. In June 2004, one hit a motorcyclist in the head. While attempting to get the live bird off of him, the man lost control and struck another car. He died of his injuries.





Story: NBC New York



photo: http://animalwisdom.wordpress.com/2008/05/11/turkeyvulture/

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Can Journalism Be Saved By A Fake News Show?

I am a news junkie but lately I have a pretty low opinion of journalists. Okay, maybe not journalists personally but the news outlets who feed us crap and call it news.

My political and social views were formed post-Nixon and pre-Reagan; therefore I mistrust the government, corporations, rich people, religious institutions, radical groups, and zealots.

Perhaps it’s because I watched too much Lou Grant and 60 Minutes and listened to years of Herb Shaindlin but I have always though that the job of a journalist is to keep an eye on those aforementioned institutions (and others) and to report when they are lying to us and/or causing us harm.

Apparently that’s too much to ask these days.

But wait, all hope is not lost. Leave it to a fake news show to sum up the problem with the real news outlets.

Jon Stewart’s interview with Jim Cramer (or actually Jon Stewart’s lambasting of Jim Cramer and CNBC) hit the nail on the head.



Here’s part of a transcript (by Darcy Logan at Mahalo.com) edited and emphasized by me. Click on the YouTube link up top to see the video itself.

Jon Stewart: I gotta tell you. I understand that you want to make finance entertaining, but it’s not a f---ing game. When I watch that I get, I can’t tell you how angry it makes me because it says to me, “You all know.” You all know what’s going on. You can draw a straight line from those shenanigans to the stuff that was being pulled at Bear and at AIG and all this derivative market stuff that is this weird Wall Street side bet.


Jim Cramer: But Jon, don’t you want guys like me that have been in it to show the shenanigans? What else can I do? I mean, last night’s show---


JS: No, no, no, no, no. I want desperately for that, but I feel like that’s not what we’re getting. What we’re getting is… Listen, you knew what the banks were doing and yet were touting it for months and months. The entire network was and so now to pretend that this was some sort of crazy, once-in-a-lifetime tsunami that nobody could have seen coming is disingenuous at best and criminal at worst.


JC: But Dick Fogle(sp?) who ran Lehman Brothers, called me in when the stock was at 40 because I thought that the stock was wrong, I thought that it was the wrong place for it to be. He brings me in, lies to me, lies to me, lies to me. I’ve known him for twenty years.


JS: The CEO of a company lied to you.

JC: Shocker stock trading.


JS: But isn’t that financial reporting? What do you think is the role of CNBC? …

CNBC could act as—No one is asking them to be a regulatory agency, but can’t—but whose side are they on? It feels like they have to reconcile as their audience the Wall Street traders that are doing this for constant profit on a day-to-day for short term. These guys companies were on a Sherman’s March through their companies financed by our 401ks and all the incentives of their companies were for short term profit. And they burned the f---ing house down with our money and walked away rich as hell and you guys knew that that was going on.


JC: … I think we have reporters who try really hard. We’re not always told the truth. But most importantly, the market was going up for a long time and our real sin I think was to believe that it was going to continue to go up a lot in the face of what you just described. A lot of borrowing. A lot of shenanigans and I know I did, I’ll bring it up, I didn’t think Bear Sterns was going to evaporate overnight. I didn’t. I knew the people who ran it, I always thought they were honest. That was my mistake. I really did. I thought they were honest. Did I get taken in because I knew them from before? Maybe to some degree. The guy who came on from Wachoviawas an old friend of mine who helped hire me.


JS: But honest or not, in what world is a 35 to 1 leverage position sane?


JC: The world that made you 30% year after year after year beginning from 1999 to 2007 and it became—


JS: But isn’t that part of the problem? Selling this idea that you don’t have to do anything. Anytime you sell people the idea that sit back and you’ll get 10 to 20 percent on your money, don’t you always know that that’s going to be a lie? When are we going to realize in this country that our wealth is work. That we’re workers and by selling this idea that of “Hey man, I’ll teach you how to be rich.” How is that any different than an infomercial?


JC: Well, I think that your goal should always be to try to expose the fact that there is no easy money. I wish I had found Madoff (sp?)—


JS: But there are literally shows called “Fast Money.”


JC: I think that people…There’s a market for it and you give it to them.


JS: There’s a market for cocaine and hookers. What is the responsibility of the people who cover Wall Street? Who are you responsible to? The people with the 401ks and the pensions and the general public or the Wall Street traders, and by the way this casts an aspersion on all of Wall Street when I know that’s unfair as well. The majority of those guys are working their asses off. They’re really bright guys. I know a lot of them. They’re just trying to do the right thing and they’re getting f---ed in the ass, too.


JC: True. True. .. I’m a commentator. We have—and you can take issues with the fact that I throw bulls and bears and I can still be considered serious. I’m not Eric Sevareid. I’m not Edward R. Morrow. I’m a guy trying to do an entertainment show about business for people to watch. But it’s difficult to have a reporter to say I just came from an interview with Hank Wilson(Sp?) and he lied his darn fool head off. It’s difficult. I think it challenges the boundaries.


JS: Yeah. I’m under the assumption, and maybe this is purely ridiculous, but I’m under the assumption that you don’t just take their word for it at face value. That you actually then go around and try and figure it out. So, again, you now have become the face of this and that is incredibly unfortunate.


JC: I wish I had done a better job trying to figure out the 30 to 1 and whether it was going to blow up. It did. Once it did I was late it saying it was bad.


JS: So maybe we could remove the financial expert and the “In Cramer we Trust” and start getting back to fundamentals on reporting as well and I can go back to making fart noises and funny faces.


JC: I think we make that deal right here.


JS: Mad Money airs on CNBC weeknights at six.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Last of The Glass (for now)

I am putting away the glass for a bit to focus on a polymer clay sculpture I promised to a friend.

In the meantime here are the last couple of pieces. Click on the pictures to see them jumbo sized.

I gave the blue plane to my dad.



The mirror is my Grandmother's. She asked if I could fix the backs of the mirrors (they were plastic mother-of-pearl discs which had decayed over the years). Kelli and I came up with the mosaic idea.





Friday, February 13, 2009

Fear of Commitment

I could never commit to a … hobby, lifestyle (?) for as long as this woman:



Woman's record-length fingernails broken in crash

Feb 12, 9:14 PM (ET)

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) - A Utah woman listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for her long fingernails has lost them in a car crash. Lee Redmond of Salt Lake City sustained serious but non-life-threatening injuries in the accident Tuesday.

Redmond's nails, which hadn't been cut since 1979, were broken in the crash. According to the Guinness Web site, her nails measured a total of more than 28 feet long in 2008, with the longest nail on her right thumb at 2 feet, 11 inches.

Salt Lake County Sheriff's Lt. Don Hutson says Redmond was ejected from an SUV in the crash and taken to the hospital in serious condition.

Redmond has been featured on TV in episodes of "Guinness Book of World Records" and "Ripley's Believe It or Not."


So, note to self, if you don’t clip your nails for 30 years, God might just do it for you.

God or a mid-sized late model sedan.

Separated At Birth

There’s a new Republican National Committee chairman and his name is Michael Steele.

Being a liberal who is not a member of any political party, you’d think the new guy at RNC would not even be on my radar but .... it’s eerie:

Michael Steele, Republican National Committee Chairman


Jeffrey Tambor, actor who appears in Arrested Development, The Larry Sanders Show, and in at least one episode of nearly every popular TV series since Kojak.


Saturday, January 24, 2009

Tabasco Pepper Stained Glass

I wanted to do something 3D, something I hadn't seen before, something fun.

Here is version 1 of 3D stained glass.




Yes that's an actual unopened bottle of Tabasco.

No, the project didn't come out quite as expected. The gap at the bottom bothers me but there has to be some gap because the bottle is not affixed to the stained glass, it's held in by pressure.

I didn't account for the fact that you cannot see through Tabasco sauce. It might as well be a bottle of barbecue sauce for all the light that gets through. While the green and red glass is brilliant in the sun, the bottle becomes a silhouette. Plus I'm told the sauce will eventually turn brown with age, even unopened.

Oh well. Live and learn. I think I'll try a mini bottle next time or drain the bottle and fill it with colored water.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Step Off, Punk-Ass Peach

A few days ago a coworker was commenting about the deliciousness of the apple she was eating.


When asked if the apple was a Fuji she said, “no, it’s a Cripps.’


Forget East Coast - West Coast conflict, now we have fruit gangs.


It’s the Cripps Apples vs. the Blood Oranges.


I foresee drive-by juicings.

Nothing good can come of this.


~~~


Cripps Apples http://www.bestapples.com

Blood Oranges http://www.harvestwizard.com

Friday, January 09, 2009

A Heart-Warming Story to Make You Smile

Baby moose falls through Spokane family's window

Associated Press - January 9, 2009 9:04 PM ET

SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) - A Spokane family got a surprise arrival when a moose calf fell through a basement window and into a bedroom.

The Spokesman Review reports that the baby moose was apparently foraging in the shallower snow close to the house when it fell into a deep window well on Thursday. As it tried to get out and join its mother and sibling, the moose kicked in the window and ended up trapped in the bedroom.

Washington state wildlife biologist Woody Myers got the call, thinking at first the police officer who phoned him was joking. Myers managed to shoot a tranquilizer dart into the moose's rump. Then he and four other men used a tarp to haul the 375-pound baby up a narrow stairway.

Wildlife officers were later able to track down the calf's mother and sibling and trucked the reunited family out near Mount Spokane for release. The area has gotten more than 6 feet of snow in the past three weeks.

Information from: The Spokesman-Review, http://www.spokesmanreview.com

What makes me smile is at my agency we would have no doubt not have been able to have reached a wildlife biologist in a timely manner.

Which means we would have to "dispatch" the moose.

After inadvertently shooting the plasma TV, the Wii Fit, and a water bed, we would have reloaded and shot the moose 4 dozen times with two calibers of ammunition and exhausted 2 packs of Tazer batteries.

Then we'd have called a charity to harvest the meat from the rec room. Baptists with chainsaws and boning knives would show up and drag the moose parts up the stairs and through the patio to their trailer.

Finally we'd have told the home owner that we were not allowed, by policy, to recommend a company to clean up the blood from the floor, walls, and ceiling.

Doesn't Spokane seem nice?

Thursday, January 08, 2009

C's Plane






Of the three planes I finished before Christmas, this was my favorite.

I'm taking orders if anyone wants one.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Lucky 13


Today (and yes, I’m posting this a little late) marks my thirteenth anniversary with my department.

Who’d have known? I had no inkling that I’d be answering 911 this long.

The nice this is that I like my job most days.

I get to occasionally help people and they pay me to do it.

I occasionally get training in areas not easily available to the Joe Six-Pack, Sarah Palin crowd.

And did I mention they pay me? I’m feeling pretty good about the whole deal.

Only 17 years to retirement.

Well, unless the economy continues to tank and I have to work until I die.

Wheeeeee.!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Story Flashback: This is why I cannot write fiction


The day before yesterday a woman called the police appalled and feeling violated because one of her neighbors, who all hate her, drugged and castrated her favorite horse.



An officer responded and, after a very un-CSI-like investigation determined that, and I mention now that this is a completely true story, the horse had not been violated but instead was very cold.

The junk just disappears inside the body cavity apparently



No wonder those guys can run so fast. I could too if I could raise and lock my “landing gear” away.

You never see a grandfather clock running down the street

Something to consider.


~~

Photos:
http://www.imh.org
http://black-glass.org/
http://www.tech.purdue.edu/At/Courses/AEML/
http://www.theclockdepot.com/ashley.html

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Snow Removal Jobs, Vampires Need Not Apply


From KNXV-TV Phoenix, AZ

Iowa city uses garlic salt to melt snow and ice

Reported by: Associated Press
Last Update: 12/18 3:49 am

No, it's not Pizza Street -- but it smelled like it.

Road crews in a Des Moines, Iowa, suburb used garlic salt to melt snow and ice after a storm this week.

The spicy road treatment was donated by Tone Brothers, a company headquartered in the area.

The spice company says the nine tons of garlic salt would have ended up in a landfill.

Public Works Administrator Al Olson the says the city mixed the garlic salt with regular road salt and it works just fine.

He adds some members of the road crew said using the spicy mixture made them a little hungry.


From the DeMoines Register

Story of garlic salt on Ankeny's roads is national hit

GUNNAR OLSON • REGISTER STAFF WRITER • December 19, 2008

That Ankeny’s road crews were sprinkling the streets with smelly, expired garlic salt that was donated to the city instead of dumped in a landfill was too much for media to resist.

The story with a simple moral and a funny twist has been carried by major newspapers and bantered about on television and radio stations coast to coast, ever since word got out that Tone’s Spices of Ankeny donated nine tons of garlic salt to be used on city streets, not on your neighbor’s mashed potatoes.

Public Works Administrator Al Olson has been a popular guy, giving six or seven interviews that have picked up nationally.

“It’s crazy – just crazy,” Olson said, recalling the friends and family who have heard his interviews in New York, Texas and California. “It’s been such a feel-good thing. It’s amazing the different takes the news stations have had around the country. … Some of them are just hilarious.”

The list of media to carry the story includes USA Today, The Los Angles Times, “Good Morning America” and National Public Radio.



photo: Lawry's

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Dear Mr Jobs,

On behalf of 911 operators everywhere I wish to congratulate you on the wildly popular and successful iPhone.

This lovely device is not only easy to use normally but it affords the owner the option of dialing 911 with their buttocks more easily than other cell phones. Blackberry owners have some similar problems but the numbers of ass-dialed calls from iPhones are increasing.

Not only can one use the internet, listen to music, and make phone calls from a single device but one can also have a nice surprise conversation with me or one of my ilk. A conversation which will go something like this:

iPhoner: Hello?

911: Hi, this is the 911 operator, your phone called 911. Is there an emergency?

iPhoner: I didn’t call 911.

911: Actually, yes, your phone called 911.

iPhoner: But I didn’t call 911.

911: It’s not a problem if you accidentally called us, we just need to make sure you are okay.

iPhoner: But it wasn’t me.

911: is your phone number XXX-XXXX ?

iPhoner: yes…

911: and did you order sweet and sour sauce with your 10 piece McNuggets?

iPhoner: you heard that?

911: and a Diet Coke

iPhoner: Wow, I guess I did call. I must have bumped it. Imagine that…

911: Indeed. So you are okay, you don’t need the police, fire department, or paramedics?

iPhoner: No. But thank you for calling. You people do a great job.

911: Why thank you. Have a nice day.

Next call:

911: 911, what’s the location of your emergency?

a different iPhoner: (background noise and voice talking to her friend Becky about some other girl’s big butt)

911: (slightly more testily) 911, what’s the location of your emergency?

iPhoner: (more background, laughter. Probably some good natured swearing.)

911: (initiating the loud screechy TDD tones to no avail)

911 sighs and hangs up. Re-dials

iPhoner: Hello?

911: Hi, this is the 911 operator, your phone called 911. Is there an emergency?

iPhoner: I didn’t call 911.

iPhone pic from http://www.techdigest.tv/

Stress reduction picture: http://www.j2fi.net/

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Invasion of the Alien Jellyfish

!! Shock Horror !!

Perhaps due to my recent mauling by sea-life at the Atlanta Aquarium or perhaps due to the fact I’m been reading a lot of H.P. Lovecraft lately, I find this story upsetting.


Fri Dec 12, 6:16 pm ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Huge swarms of stinging jellyfish and similar slimy animals are ruining beaches in Hawaii, the Gulf of Mexico, the Mediterranean, Australia and elsewhere, U.S. researchers reported on Friday.

The report says 150 million people are exposed to jellyfish globally every year, with 500,000 people stung in the Chesapeake Bay, off the U.S. Atlantic Coast, alone.

Another 200,000 are stung every year in Florida, and 10,000 are stung in Australia by the deadly Portuguese man-of-war, according to the report, a broad review of jellyfish research.

The report, available on the Internet at http://www.nsf.gov/news/special_reports/jellyfish/index.jsp, says the Black Sea's fishing and tourism industries have lost $350 million because of a proliferation of comb jelly fish.

The report says more than 1,000 fist-sized comb jellies can be found in a cubic yard (meter) of Black Sea water during a bloom.

They eat the eggs of fish and compete with them for food, wiping out the livelihoods of fishermen, according to the report.

And it says a third of the total weight of all life in California's Monterey Bay is made up of jellyfish.

Human activities that could be making things nice for jellyfish include pollution, climate change, introductions of non-native species, overfishing and building artificial structures such as oil and gas rigs.

Creatures called salps cover up to 38,600 square miles (100,000 sq km) of the North Atlantic in a regular phenomenon called the New York Bight, but researchers quoted in the report said this one may be a natural cycle.

"There is clear, clean evidence that certain types of human-caused environmental stresses are triggering jellyfish swarms in some locations," William Hamner of the University of California Los Angeles says in the report.

These include pollution-induced "dead zones", higher water temperatures and the spread of alien jellyfish species by shipping.

(Reporting by Maggie Fox, editing by Philip Barbara)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Thank You Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich

For making our Governor, Sarah “Skinny G” Palin, look like a lily-white rocket scientist.

Keep up the newsworthy behavior.

Love and Kisses,

The People of Alaska

p.s. to Skinny G: don’t get any ideas.

Monday, December 01, 2008

With Two Get Eggroll

While walking the dog Thanksgiving evening about 8pm I found a cell phone on the street.

I tried to not find the phone. I saw it and walked right past it. I have a fear of commitment and I knew that picking up that phone entailed a commitment.

Yet if I lost my phone I would want someone to let me know before it got run over by a vehicle or used in a criminal manner. Losing a phone is a monumental inconvenience and can be costly. My wife lost her phone and it cost a sizeable amount to replace it because our wireless company doesn’t give you a cut rate on a phone other than at the initial signing of the several-year commitment. Bastards.

I wanted to return the phone to the person who lost it. I want to do the right thing. I believe people are essential kind and good. So I picked up the phone. It’s not a Blackberry or iPhone but it’s a decent metallic pink Samsung phone. It’s a female’s phone. There’s a chivalry issue.

But I’m Eric and I don’t talk to strangers. Should I take it to work the next day? It’s safer to have someone pick it up at the Po-Po than my house. What if this is some kind of crazy bait-phone. Okay, doubtful. So I need to call them that night.

Being a devoted husband I exercise the only acceptable option: I say “Hey honey, would you like to figure out who this belongs to?”

Kelli calls the speed dial labeled “home” and leaves a message to call us.

Crap. That means someone is going to calls us. Luckily we have contingency plans for this sort of thing in place. Kelli talks on the phone and I’ll actually meet face to face with the folks. It’s a win-win.

But jeez, who knows when they are going to call. I just got home from a 12 hour shift. A 12 hour shift on Thanksgiving. Think: carb-coma. I just want to go to bed. Whaaaaaaa.

Yet very soon a grateful woman called Kelli and said it was her phone and she would be back en route from nearby to pick it up. Excellent. This will end soon.

As I’m waiting for the owner to arrive I have another series of thoughts.

Wow, I wonder if they’ll reward me with money. That would be sweet. But I couldn’t accept money, it being an act of chivalry and good will and all on Thanksgiving. So I’ll politely decline the money, protesting that it was just the right thing to do and being extremely magnanimous.

There’s no magnanimity like calculated magnanimity.

By this point the dog wanted to go out again so I bundled up to take her. Just as I opened the door to walk out, the phone owner’s car pulled up. Bonus! I stowed the dog back inside and walked onto the porch with the phone.

A man walked up to me as his wife waited in the car. I held the phone out to him. I could see gratitude in his eyes.

Then he handed me a plastic grocery bag and said “These are egg rolls. My wife is Korean.”

Craaaaaap.

I don’t want stranger-danger food but, unlike money, I can’t refuse it. That would be rude of me. Imagine that, me being rude while trying to do the right thing. I can’t believe this.

Luckily he didn’t want to have a conversation any more than I wanted one. He grabbed the phone, handed me the egg rolls, and jumped back into the car. His wife rolls down her window and as they started to leave she yelled a “thank you!”

I waved and said “no problem, happy Thanksgiving!”

Then I walked into the house and dumped the eggrolls into the trash before taking my dog out for the walk.

We were thankful not to discover lost property on that trip.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Bathroom Sex Scandal Ruined My Life


Not my life but this lady’s life.

DesMoines Register, Staci Hupp Shupp@dmreg.com, November 26, 2008

A Carroll woman who was caught having sex in the men's room at an Iowa Hawkeye football game in Minneapolis last weekend says she’d had so much wine before kickoff that she doesn’t remember walking into the restroom, the man she had sex with in a stall, or when the police opened the door.

What L--- F------, 38, will remember is the humiliation afterward.

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

F------, a married mother of three, has been the target of Internet jokes and prank telephone calls today. She was fired this morning from an assisted living center, where she had been an administrator.

F------ said her husband, K----, has been supportive. She said he faults himself for not going with her when she left her seat to use the restroom before halftime.

“I don’t know what happened,” L--- F------ said. “But I don’t deny that it did happen because obviously there are police reports.”

Police ticketed F------, 38, and R--- W----, 26, of Linden for indecent conduct Saturday night.

A security guard who said he saw the two having sex through a gap in a men’s restroom stall flagged down campus police, according to the police report.

By the time an officer arrived, about a dozen people were cheering and laughing in the bathroom while F------ and W---- were inside the stall, the report said.

The officer pushed his way through the crowd, opened the door and separated F------ and W----, the report said.

Police described both F------ and W---- as upset, drunk and uncooperative.

Chuck Miner, deputy chief of the University of Minnesota police department, said officers tracked down F------’s husband.

“I’m not sure how they made contact with her husband, but they needed her husband to help identify her” because she’d given the wrong middle name.

Miner said police didn’t measure the blood-alcohol level of F------ or W----. Asked to respond to F------’s claim that she was too drunk to recall the incident, Miner said: “That’s probably an accurate statement.”

F------ said she’d never met W----.

“I don’t know who this man is,” she said today. “I just found out his name in the paper last night.”

W---- wasn’t immediately available for comment.

Carroll, F------’s hometown, is about 60 miles northwest of Linden, where W---- lives.

F------, who describes herself as a light drinker, drank wine at the home of family friends before the football game.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

F------ said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

F------ said her husband accompanied her to the game, but their friends stayed home.

She said she remembers sitting in the stands one moment and the next “being slammed around by a cop and screaming.”

“Apparently I was panicked and very uncooperative,” she said.

F------ said she “ran away” from her husband [at] the Metrodome after the incident.

She said a woman she didn’t know offered her a ride home about 11 p.m.

F------ said she gave her husband’s cell phone number to the woman, who called K---- F------ for directions to the couple’s hotel.

L--- F------ said her attorney has encouraged her to fight the ticket.

“He feels I was taken advantage of in my state of mind,” she said. “This is not me. We’re a very good family. This shouldn’t happen.”

Miner, the campus police officer, said fighting the indecent conduct charge could be a long shot.

“It’s spelled out in the law in Minnesota that intoxication is not a defense to any crime,” he said.

I redacted the names to protect the guilty but I have questions.

In my jurisdiction if you have sex with someone who is too intoxicated to consent then you are a dirty, dirty rapist (you would be shocked how many recruits I’ve had to explain this to in detail because they believe if you get drunk you deserve what you get).

So is R--- W--- a rapist? And if not, why not? And even if there’s a possibility of such why on Earth would the paper publish the victim’s name? There are rape-shield laws about that kind of thing.

Evidently the police have ruled out this possibility.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if your potential sex partner is very intoxicated and is a stranger, or you intend to claim he/she is a stranger, JUST SAY NO. You don’t want any part of that action and you don’t want to be considered a date-rapist.

Next

How often does L--- F------ blackout from drinking? Shouldn’t she get some serious help? She could have conceivably been charged with assault on a police officer. She also fled from her husband and ended up getting a ride with another stranger. So she’s still in danger at that point.

And while she states that her husband blames himself and she doesn’t blame him… um. She blames a lot of other people.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

F------ said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

L--- F------ said her attorney has encouraged her to fight the ticket.

“He feels I was taken advantage of in my state of mind,” she said. “This is not me. We’re a very good family. This shouldn’t happen.”

It shouldn’t have happened, she’s right about that. She shouldn’t have drank so much, her husband shouldn’t have taken her to the game, she shouldn’t have hooked up with the guy in the restroom, he shouldn’t have hooked up with her.

And what about her kids?

I hate to blame the victim here but I’m willing to bet there’s more to this story.

--

and here's a little more, but still something stinks.


Woman in Metrodome sex incident says she was victim

By

Friday, November 28, 2008, Daily Times Herald


MINNEAPOLIS - While police say a high-profile indecent conduct case in the Minneapolis Metrodome Saturday is closed, a Carroll woman involved in it told the Daily Times Herald she believes she was a victim of foul play rather than a willing collaborator.

L---
F------, 38, of Carroll, and R---. W----, 26, of Linden, were ticketed for indecent conduct after they were reportedly caught engaging in sexual activity in a Metrodome men's restroom handicapped stall during the University of Minnesota Golden Gophers game with the Iowa Hawkeyes. More than a dozen people in the restroom were cheering F------ and W---- by the time authorities arrived, a University of Minnesota Police report says.

F------ acknowledged drinking heavily before the game and says she doesn't remember being in the bathroom.

"I would never ever do that,"
F------ said. "My kids are my life. I go to church every Sunday."

Information obtained in police reports and during an interview with University of Minnesota Police Chief Greg Hestness revealed no suggestion or evidence that the incident was anything but consensual on the part of both W---- and
F------.

But
F------ tells the Daily Times Herald she may have been drugged or otherwise victimized.

"Everybody thinks something got put in my drink,"
F------ said.

She offers no further details as to how that might have happened or who may have been involved.

"Right, and that's what my attorney and I are working on," F------ said.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Atlanta Aquarium Horror


I promised you some Atlanta stories but I’ve found it difficult to compose my thoughts, what with the trauma I endured at the Atlanta Aquarium.

I had not been to an aquarium since I was a kid so I was not prepared for exactly how peaceful and beautiful it would be. The Atlanta Aquarium has a beluga whale in residence and I probably could have watched it for hours diving, twisting, and spinning underwater.

Jellyfish too. I love me some jellyfish, provided they are safely in a tank.


But there was an aspect of the aquarium experience for which I was unprepared – the tactile experience.

I have two rules that I seldom break: I don’t talk to strangers and I don’t want strangers to touch me. It’s not a Howie Mandel sort of thing, I’m just not a touchy kind of person. I should have afforded the aquatic life in Atlanta the same privilege.


I’d blame peer pressure because all the cool kids were touching the starfish and the anemones and even sharks and rays but I could have said ‘no.’ I didn’t even think. I was all for bellying up to the touching bar.



And then I met the shrimp.


Shrimp are, to put it charitably, alien sea-bugs. I don’t even know why I wanted to pet one.


The shrimp tank was elevated so I that one must stand on a little step then lean over to reach inside. I have T-Rex arms so I had to not only lean over but reach my arm up to the elbow in the water. The cold water.


The shrimp petting rules were as follows: touch them only with two fingers and you have to sneak up behind them with those fingers because they’ll dart away from you if they see you with those “eye on a stick” things.

So I tried to pet a couple of relatively small ones but they just laughed and darted away when they saw my ham-hands approaching. At least I think they were laughing.


Then it happened. I tried to swoop in on a big brown shrimp. And it worked. He never even saw me coming. But then it went terribly, terribly wrong.


When petted its back it apparently didn’t know the rules, at least the rules as I had imagined. Instead of darting forward or backward or to one side or another it went in a direction I had not even considered: straight up and at my hand.


My response was not the Steven Seagal aikido screaming eagle shrimp-dodge.


My response was more “sea-bug, Sea-Bug, SEA-BUG!” and pulling my arm out of the water with amazing speed.


That would have been fine if my arm had not collected half a gallon of water with it as it surfaced like some sort of humpback whale. Did I mention it was cold water?


Splash, all over my shirt. Mother trucker.



The shrimp wrangler guy started laughing. I gave him my “this wasn’t all that funny Mr. Shrimp Wrangler” look which instantly made him cover his mouth with his hand and laugh harder but more quietly. When he caught his breath he said, in the least sincere or comforting way I have ever encountered, “Oh don’t worry about it. People do that all the time.” Yeah. I’m sure.


Liar.


So I went from simple aquarium attendee to loser of the world’s worst wet t-shirt contest.


Luckily I was mostly dry by the time we had walked over to CNN to ride the world’s largest escalator and take the studio tour. Although we got to see Dr Sanjay Gupta prepare for some sort of piece, I was still bitter about that shrimp. I think I was suffering the effects of PTSD. Post Traumatic Shrimp Disorder.


I vowed to have my revenge.


Later in the evening, revenge I had. Revenge on a stick!


All photos are mine except the brown shrimp which is from http://www.dnr.sc.gov/marine/mrri/SEAMAP/species/paztec.htm