Funny every time

Some things make me smile every time I see/hear/say/do them.

Whenever someone in the dispatch center yells “I need someone to call me a cab,” all the hipsters yell back “You’re a cab!”

During the holiday season I can usually get a couple of my coworkers to believe that my father is dyslexic and that half of my childhood Christmas presents were from Satan.

My personal plate is: PANIC

My wife is from Alabama and she has the sweetest way of saying “expecially” or “excape.” On anyone else I’d think “what a maroon” but on her it’s so damn cute.

Callers who wish to remain “unanimous.”

People who claim that someone is using them as their “escape goat.”

Asking for assistance by saying “While you are up, can you….” to someone who is seated comfortably.

Saying “Bless You” to someone who has coughed, burped, or farted. I think we are going to teach this to our children.

When someone says something (anything really) wheel toward them and say "Are you calling me fat?" Oh it's hilarious with strangers and extremely hilarious if you happen to be (as in my case) actually fat. People are HORRIFIED and have no response.