Saturday, May 28, 2005

Cookies that nearly toss themselves

My Aunt Reva's "Mother I Forgot" Cookies

Side A

3 cups quick rolled oats (I’m not sure what these really are. I can imagine wanting my oats slowly rolled, but I won’t even go there).

1 – 6oz package semi-sweet chocolate chips

1/4 cup coconut

1/4 cup chopped nuts (I usually add more coconut and no nuts, but whatever)

Side B:

2 cups sugar

1 1/2 cubes butter or margarine

1/2 cup evaporated milk

Recommended cookware:

Your favorite spatula

A spoon or small scoop for dropping the cookies

A huge bowl and a large bowl

A welder’s mask and gloves

Night-Vision goggles

Directions

Mix Side A into a large bowl. If you double the recipe, and I heartily recommend it, you’ll need a really huge bowl.

Put Side B into a saucepan, bring to a rapid boil, and cook for 1 minute. Stir it so it doesn’t burn on the bottom but I would recommend wearing a welding mask and gloves because this stuff gets hot and will stick to you. Think: napalm.

It is possible and much faster to do Side B in a microwave but the bowl has to be very big and you have to watch it closely or it will go from nicely bubbling to foaming all over and coating your microwave in a sticky molten mass. Don’t forget to wear the welding gloves to take it out of the microwave since any tiny drop of this stuff will burn through your body, down through your kitchen floor, and all the way to China.

Pour Side B over Side A and stir until chocolate melts. Drop tablespoonfuls onto waxed paper and, if you can wait long enough, let them cool.

Store in a big plastic container with waxed paper between the layers of cookies. They won’t last long anyway. You’ll find they jump by themselves into your mouth until you are just about sick.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oats are rolled because as they are harvested and broken down into components, they have a tendency to curl up. Since they cook better when flattened, they are rolled between usually a wooden dowl and a wooden board.

You want quick ones, because regular ones take longer to absorb the molten liquid. If you use quick ones your cookies will have nearly a caramel like quality.

1 minute of a rolling boil, stir constantly, but not necessarily quickly, this is like wax, and you'll be sorry.

For more colorful, ask Mr. E all about his "shredded wheat" versions...

J-bro

Eric said...

Colorful in that you'll bleed quite brightly out of your anus after eating cookies with shredded wheat substituted for the oats. Shredded wheat may absorb milk quickly but does not absorb the waxy substance in the cookies so it's eating a clump of chocolaty finishing nails.