I knew Oregon was full of tree-huggers but…

Campers Tie Alleged Peeping Tom to Tree

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - A group of campers tied a peeping Tom suspect to a tree, keeping him bound until police arrived.

Richard H. Berkey, 63, was charged with private indecency, a misdemeanor, by sheriff's deputies who were called to the Big Fan Campground near Bagby Hot Springs last weekend, according to Clackamas County Detective Jim Strovink.

Campers told deputies they recognized Berkey from a similar incident at the campground last year and wanted to make sure he didn't get away.

The 2006 incident was reported to police but did not result in charges.

"Last year, we took down his license plate number and turned it in to the sheriff, but there wasn't a lot they could do really," said Jason Dugan, one of the campers. "This year, that wasn't happening."

Dugan and another camper, Michelle Brandow, said several friends were playing chess, eating and relaxing last Saturday, when they heard rustling in an area the women used as an open latrine. Dugan went to investigate, saw a man running from the area and tackled him.

With help from two other campers, Dugan led Berkey to the group's campsite and tied him to a tree. Another camper left to call police.

Berkey told KGW-TV in Portland he was surprised by the response. "I just didn't think it was that big of a deal," he said. A phone call to Berkey's house in Beaverton was not immediately returned Friday.

Berkey is scheduled to appear in court on Sept. 18.

Didn't Know? Of Course He KNEW!!

Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis

Thu Aug 23, 2007 2:37PM EDT

MOSCOW (Reuters) - A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday.

Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high.

"It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper.

"I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this."

Fountain of Old

I found a book at the used book store about making table top fountains and was inspired to whip one up for my father's birthday.

The base is a ceramic planter minus the handles. The handle holes are covered with copper buttons. The back splash is a Pier 1 bamboo placemat. The rocks are.. well, rocks.

The rest is copper pipe and copper wire.

I made a platform out of polymer clay with three different types of faux green jade and malachite but the rocks cover all that up so it could have been made out of a piece of rigid plastic (at much less cost in clay and time, but hey I'll know better next time).

Happy Birthday Dad!

Officer, funny story,this isn't what it looks like

no need to print the whole story, the headline pretty much sums it up

Man Accused Of Sex With Goat Says He Was Trying To Milk Animal

Rectoplasm

Also courtesy of Pasta: she received a call from a woman reporting hundreds of golf balls in the parking lot of a baseball field. The caller thought a nearby driving range could have been vandalized or burglarized (it was the latter).

The funny part is that she told Pasta “at first I thought they were those white packing things… you know, “ghost poo.”

Ghost poo? For the love of dog that’s funny.

Photo found on eBay

Hey, I’m not a doctor but…

I kid you not:

Pasta answered a call yesterday from a male requesting medics for a female in his residence. Describing her medical history he says:

She just got out of the hospital after having a double vasectomy.

Bone and blood is the price of coal

My thoughts today are with the miners and families of miners in Huntington, Utah.



click to watch this video, it's haunting:
Springhill Mine Disaster


The Springhill Mine Disaster
By Peggy Seeger (tweaked a little by U2)

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Down in the dark of the Cumberland mine
There's blood on the coal, and the miners lie
In roads that never saw sun nor sky
Roads that never saw the sun nor sky

In the town of Springhill
You don't sleep easy
Often the earth will tremble and roll
When the earth is restless
Miners die

Bone and blood is the price of coal
Bone and blood is the price of coal

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Late in the Year ...
Well the day still comes and the sun still shines
But it's dark at the graves of the Cumberland miners
It's dark at the graves of the Cumberland miners

Listen to the shouts of the black faced miner
Listen to the call of the rescue team
We have no water, light or bread
So we're living on songs and hope instead
We're living on songs and hope instead

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Down in the dark of the Cumberland mine
There's blood on the coal, and the miners lie
In roads that never saw sun or sky
Roads that never saw sun nor sky

In the town of Springhill Nova Scotia
Often the earth will tremble and roll
When the earth is restless
Miners die
Bone and blood is the price of coal
Bone and blood is the price of coal
Bone and blood is the price of coal

photo from: Utah Miners Hospital

here's an Smussy update:

While mining is one of the most dangerous industries, here are the most dangerous jobs (in 2005 at least per CNN.com):

Rank	Occupation	Death rate/100,000	Total deaths
1	Fishers and fishing workers	118.4	48
2	Logging workers	92.9	80
3	Aircraft pilots	66.9	81
4	Structural iron and steel workers	55.6	35
5	Refuse and recyclable material collectors	43.8	32
6	Farmers and ranchers	41.1	341
7	Electrical power line installers/repairers	32.7	36
8	Driver/sales workers and truck drivers	29.1	993
9	Miscellaneous agricultural workers	23.2	176
10	Construction laborers

House Hunting Blues

Venting….

We are looking at buying a house. I had no idea how stressful a process this would be.

We have a great realtor (Carl Hines at Keller Williams, ask for him by name) but our ducks are not quite in a row. There are plenty of places priced just out of reach for us without putting us in serious financial peril. We don’t want that, for certain.

In our price range they move very very fast.

I understand (although don’t like) that when you buy a car you need to haggle the price downward since the asking price is higher than the price they will settle for. Easy enough. Are houses the same way? Evidently not in this market.

Of course we got all excited when we started seriously looking two weeks ago and that was a major mistake. We would search through dozens of properties online, go visit the neighborhood, then call the realtor to go look inside the properties which seemed like they would meet our needs. We ended up making offers on three places but all three got better offers the same or previous day and will end up being sold for more than they asked for them (which is discouraging).

I’m going to be working a bunch of overtime in preparation to the next go-round in a month or two. Maybe the market will have crashed by then (fingers crossed).

blah

Oh this is actually funny when translated into "jive" by the Dialectizer.

Ventin'…. We is lookin' at stealin' some crib. ah' had no idea how stressful some process dis would be. We gots some great realto' (Carl Hines at Kella' Williams, ax' fo' him by dojigger) but our ducks is not quite in some row, so cut me some slack, Jack. Dere is plenty uh places priced plum out uh reach fo' us widout puttin' us in serious financial puh'il. We don’t wants' dat, fo' certain. 'S coo', bro. In our price range dey move real real fast. Man! I dig it (aldough don’t likes) dat when ya' steal some car ya' need t'haggle da damn price waaay downward since da damn ax'in' price be higha' dan de price dey gots'ta settle fo'. Easy enough. Lop some boogie. Are cribs de same way? Evidently not in dis market. Man! Of course we gots all 'sited when we started seriously lookin' two weeks ago and dat wuz some majo' missnatch. We would search drough dozens uh propuh'ties online, go visit da damn neighbo'hood, den call de realto' t'go look inside da damn propuh'ties which seemed likes dey would meet our needs. We ended down makin' offers on dree places but all dree gots betta' offers de same o' previous day and gots'ta end down bein' sold fo' mo'e dan dey ax'ed fo' dem (which be discouragin'). I’m goin' t'be wo'kin' some bunch uh overtime in preparashun t'de next go-round in some mond o' two. 'S coo', bro. Maybe da damn market gots'ta crashed by den (fin'ers crossed). blah

Open Your Mouth And Close Your Eyes

According to ABC NEWS, a certain terrorist group has announced on their websites that the USA can expect a “big surprise.”

In terms of evoking terror, “Big Surprise” is pretty lame. So a big FU right back atcha guys.

Strangely enough, I think our biggest threat from this group might be the “Binford 5000 Improvised Explosive Device” as seen on Tool Time.

You be the judge:

Richard Karn photo from : NNDB

~~ by the way, I like Richard Karn and am no way implying that he is associated with any illegal, immoral, or fattening organizations.

Hammerin'

borrowed from: Political Realm who has a good site. Check it out!

"Fire up the colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures, now, as they fly through the air."

Tom Snyder
1936 - 2007

I remember Tom Snyder mostly on radio. I was too young to see him on the Tomorrow Show but he told some of the best Tomorrow stories on the radio.

Tom was something of a goof. He wasn't the hippest cat at the shin-dig but he was a likable goof. His performances on TV were called "ego-driven" by critics but on the radio he was much more self-deprecating. I like self-deprecating humor. It shows that there's a certain absence of malice. Plus radio is a more intimate medium.

Fire up the ol' colortini, Tom, and watch the angels, now, as they fly through the air.

When it's your time…

I'm not much of a believer in anything but I can get behind this:

Live every day like it's your last.*

Exhibit A: SCUBzzzzzzA

DEERFIELD BEACH, Fla. (AP) - Lightning struck a diver's air tank as he surfaced off Florida's Atlantic coast, killing him, authorities said.

The 36-year-old man was diving with three others Sunday off a boat near Deerfield Beach, about 40 miles north of Miami. He had surfaced about 30 feet from the boat when lightning struck his tank, said Deerfield Beach Fire Chief Gary Fernaays.

the whole story at Breitbart.com: Lightning Kills Diver

Exhibit B: I Don't Think It's Playable

NORTH LITTLE ROCK, Ark. (AP) - Tulsa Drillers coach Mike Coolbaugh died after being struck in the head by a line drive as he stood in the first-base coach's box during a game.

The Texas League game was suspended in the ninth inning Sunday after the former major leaguer was hit by a foul ball off the bat of Tino Sanchez. Coolbaugh, 35, was taken to Baptist Medical Center-North Little Rock, where he was pronounced dead.

the whole story at Breitbart.com: Line Drive Kills Minor League Coach

*except financially, I think there you are supposed to live every day like you'll be around 100 more years and will need the retirement money when you are too old to do your job and your company has dissolved your pension and Social Security will no longer pay out any money no matter how much you have contributed over the years and you can't BELIEVE the price of cat food so you can't afford that therefore you have to forage through Dumpsters to get anything to eat. More or less.

The Godfather of Soil, part deux

So after the odd story about The Godfather of Soil, guess what happened sometime last night?

You guessed it. Some fucking plant thief stole one of the flower pots from our front walkway. He would have stolen another one but the second was evidently too heavy. The bastard moved it but couldn’t pick it up.

Sometimes I hate the living.

Keys to Kinkiness

Last Sunday started out humorous enough. It was a relatively slow morning and we had a call which struck me as funny and illustrated the lighter side of dispatch.

We received a call from a couple who, in the midst of romance, had handcuffed themselves together without the benefit of knowing exactly where their keys were.

We sent an officer to unlock their cuffs. They had obviously weighed their options before calling us because they hack-sawed the connecting chain before we had arrived and were able to answer the door fully dressed.

Interior design tip from your buddy E:

In the nightstand, and ideally under a tasteful window treatment, you should keep (perhaps in the same drawer as your ball-gag) THE HANDCUFF KEYS!

The day went drastically downhill from there but that’s for another post.

Have an exotic day!

key: Peerless

ball gag : Scott Paul Designs

What are the odds ?

They come from the same place. It makes me wonder if maybe the nuclear plants are a little leaky in Mongolia.

Worlds apart: The moment the tallest man met the shortest

By CLAIRE BATES, Daily Mail

In terms of height they are worlds apart.

The world's tallest man, Bao Xishun today shook hands with He Pingping who claims to be Earth's shortest.

But these two men actually hail from the same region of Inner Mongolia.

While Mr Xishun, 56, towers above everyone at an astonishing 7.9ft, 19-year-old Mr Pingping is a mere 2.4ft high.

Bao Xishun, a herdsman from Chifeng, Inner Mongolia, was recently married in a traditional ceremony to a 28-year-old saleswoman from his hometown. At 5ft 6" Xia Shujian only comes up to his elbow and is half his age.

He claims he was of normal height until he was 16 when he experienced a growth spurt and reached his present height seven years later.

Mr Xishun was confirmed as the tallest person by the Guinness Book of Records last year.

Mr Pingping was born nearby in Wulanchabu city, Inner Mongolia. His father claims he was only the size of an adult's palm at birth.

He is now seeking to be registered as the world's shortest man by the Guinness Book of Records. He could be in for a disappointment though. While Mr Pingping is 73cms tall, the current holder of the title Lin Yih-Chih was measured as 67.5cm.

Vehicular Mayhem Most Fowl

** If you are an animal lover and are particularly tender-hearted (like my dear wife), this is not the story for you. Please check back for a story more suitable to your sensibilities. You've been warned. **

The scene: Potter Marsh, a wet land adjacent to the Seward Highway, just south of where the highway goes from 4 lane divided highway to 2 lane rural highway. Goggle Earth "Potter Marsh, Anchorage, AK" if you want to see the layout.

The time: 1030am Saturday July 7, 2007 (7-7-7 to numbers freaks).

It was a nice clear morning that Saturday. Vehicle A (I don't remember if it was a car or a truck. It's Alaska so it's safe to picture it in your mind as an SUV) traveled along the Seward Highway by Potter Marsh when the driver saw a group of ducks crossing the road.

Ducks walking in a row is always cute. Mom and her children just flip-flopping their way from hither to yon. Or from yon to hither. It's hard it tell.

Driver A stopped his vehicle so the ducks could make safe passage. Stopped his vehicle in the middle of the road. Just so I'm perfectly clear, the road is a highway and the speed limit is 55 mph. Driver A was at this point going 0 mph. Which is great for the ducks. The ducks successfully got to the other side of the road.

Enter Driver B, presumably traveling 50-70mph. Driver B was driving an RV pulling a boat on a trailer. In terms of braking power, an RV with a boat trailer attached is a little like a train. Driver B was probably planning a weekend of fishing or camping. He was evidently not planning for a car to be stopped in the middle of the highway. Driver B did not take in the whole situation until he was too close to stop his vehicle in the traditional manner.

Faced with this situation Driver B has three choices. 1) He can swerve into oncoming traffic and thereby endanger himself and the cars in the other lane. There are plenty of fatality head-on collisions on the Seward Higway. 2) He can lay on the brakes and strike Driver A's vehicle, which could also cause a serious if not fatal accident (as well as potentially involve the other lane of traffic as well). Luckily he chose 3) brake like the dickens and hit the ditch to the right of Driver A.

Oh, and he plowed into the family of ducks, killing most of them.

Let's recap, shall we?

Guy stops for wee little duckies. Other guy doesn’t expect the first guy to stop (on a highway) and has to maneuver quickly. The safest path was through the original wee duckies.

It took a tow truck to get the RV and boat out of the ditch but what stuck me was the sheer amount of twisted irony along the side of that road.

Duck Photo: http://www.rfbd.org/Ducks.jpg

The Godfather of Soil

Some government employees get quoted sounding like total goobs.

Vegetation vandal strikes

Trees, flowers dug up and stolen from lush garden in Airport Heights

By ALEX de MARBAN
Anchorage Daily News

Last Modified: July 9, 2007 at 01:03 PM

Someone who swiped trees and flowers from a lush East Anchorage garden last week has neighbors scratching their heads.

Is a plant thief on the prowl? Or is someone targeting Ray Ward, a James Brown impersonator who sometimes tends his garden until the early morning hours?

After all, colorful flower baskets still hang undisturbed outside other homes on Norene Street. And it was the second time this summer someone sabotaged Ward's landscaping.

The first time, they dug up some flowers and stole hanging plants, Ward said. This time, it was much worse.

"They took almost everything," Ward said glumly, sweeping his hands across a grassy lawn pocked with holes where trees and flowers once grew.

An apple tree sapling, trunk snapped, lay in the yard. Scores of plucked daisies filled a nearby garbage can. Single flowers survived here and there, a bloom of snapdragons, a yellow poppy.

The garden was the best display on the block, especially the colorful stretch framing the chain-link fence, Ward's neighbors said Saturday. Purple wildflowers, gold begonias, pink petunias, daisies, dahlias, geraniums, tulips -- all added life and beauty to the neighborhood.

"You'd drive by and say, 'Oh, it's summer,' " said Lisa Schober. "Now I drive by and it looks like winter again."

"It's the kind of thing that shocks your sensibilities," said Ken Hudson, another neighbor. "There's way worse things, but this is just a sad statement."

The plants were stolen sometime Wednesday night, Ward said. He went to bed early after serving the homeless at a Fourth of July picnic in Mountain View.

When he awoke early the next morning, petals littered his driveway, reminding him of the first incident a month ago.

"I said, 'Oh no,' " he said, touching his chest. "My heart just was broken, just shattered."

George Thompson, a neighbor smoking on his porch across the street Saturday, said he saw a "crazed-looking" man walking repeatedly around the block the same night the plants were stolen. When Thompson approached the man to see what he was doing, the guy ran.

Thompson's nephews had been playing outside and said they saw the same man digging up Ward's garden, according to Thompson.

"It was pretty weird," he said.

Ward, when he's not doing his James Brown performance, is an intern for a company that helps low income people get back on their feet. He figures he invested about $3,000 in his garden.

He has no enemies he knows of, he said.

Police are investigating. Plant theft happens, but not often, said Eric Anderson, acting dispatch supervisor with the Anchorage Police Department.

He hears reports of potted flowers that get swiped outside houses a couple of times a year.

"People are crazy," he said. "What kind of strange criminal mind steals plants?"

Okay. So goob or not I stand behind my assessment.

But consider this: A man who gets his plants stolen AND is a James Brown impersonator IN ALASKA is just too bizarre. Carl Hiaasen would say: "na'ah, too far fetched for fiction."

Surely he is the only James Brown impersonator in Los Anchorage.

It certainly feels like a one-Brown town.

Another reason to RSVP "no, thank you"

Dinner guest finds host's

wife, son in freezer

Sat Jul 7, 2007 10:28PM EDT

BRUSSELS (Reuters) - A Belgian man appeared in court on Friday after a woman at his dinner party found the bodies of his wife and stepson in the freezer as she put away the leftovers, prosecutors said.

The woman went to the police after discovering the 46-year-old woman and her 11-year-old son and officers arrested the man in the town of Verviers, near Liege in east Belgium, on Wednesday.

"She went to the freezer and that is what she saw. She then alerted the police," said Georges Lahaye of the local public prosecutors' office. Prosecutors want the suspect, aged 43, to be remanded in custody to allow more time for an investigation into the deaths.

Lahaye said the suspect had not made a confession.

He added that the couple argued a lot.

the couple argued a lot... ya'think?

Accentuate The Positive #5 Sing

Chicagoist journalist and blogger Smussyolay tagged me with a meme of 5 things I do to stay positive. While writing it I discovered I needed to write it in more than one post.
Here's the fifth thing:

Sing

Like the Bloodhound Gang's Jimmy Pop, I sing like an amputee: can't hold a note, can't carry a tune. Yet...

I love to sing along with the car stereo when driving alone. At work I can break into a Richard Cheese-esque bad lounge version of a popular song or do my very poor Bob Dylan impression singing rap songs. It's like karaoke night without alcohol.

I learned from Terri not to care about singing the wrong words.

I still sing “She’s like a one winged dove, sings a song sounds like she’s screamin’ ooh-ooh-ooh,” (because if I was a dove, and I lost a wing, I’d be screaming too).

I don’t know what the hell those Manfred Mann characters were smoking but evidently they were “wrapped up like a douche in the aroma of the night,” as far as I’m concerned.

Kelli and I do goofy duets. Just for us. Just for fun. Just because it's positive expression.

Accentuate The Positive #4 Write

Chicagoist journalist and blogger Smussyolay tagged me with a meme of 5 things I do to stay positive. While writing it I discovered I needed to write it in more than one post.
Here's the fourth thing:

Write

Usually I don’t know how I feel about something until I write it out. Being forced to chose my words carefully forces me to chose the words which best convey my thoughts. Parsing and editing focuses my meaning. Sometimes it opens up a whole new series of questions.

Working it out gives me perspective and perspective leads to positive things.

Accentuate The Positive #3 Remember

Chicagoist journalist and blogger Smussyolay tagged me with a meme of 5 things I do to stay positive. While writing it I discovered I needed to write it in more than one post. Here's the third thing:

Remember
12 hrs a day (16hrs one day last week) I hear from / about people in crisis. Heck, I have coworkers and friends and family in crisis every so often too.

Yet I live in relative affluence, in a free country
(okay, it's getting a little dicey right now but we'll pull out of it).

I'm very happily married. I have a great job. I have a great family and wonderful friends (some might suggest better than I deserve).

Comparatively I have no problems. I'd be a whiny little shit to have all of what I have and still complain.

Anarchy = Idiocy

Someone has been messing with the National Weather Service.

Read this Chicagoist article. 

http://www.chicagoist.com/2007/06/14/weather_scammer.php 

Go ahead, I'll wait.

All done? Good.

Now explain to me the reason anyone would submit fake weather reports.

My second, most cynical, thought was that it had to be someone whose
budget would increase due to severe weather condition statistics.
This follows the same reason why some forest fires are started by fire fighters.
Create your own clients and it's like legally printing your own money, right?

My third thought was that it was part of the Meteorlogical Mafia,
the Low-Pressure La Cosa Nostra.

But my first thought was it was some older teen or young adult trying to
express their angst by raging against the machine.   

I can understand this to some extent. If you are young and idealistic and have
more energy than knowledge, it's nice to stick it to The Man.

But the National Weather Service?  Of all the services government provides,
weather information is one of the most useful and equally distributed.  

Dear Mr Weather Spammer (because I’ll bet you a qwattah it’s not a female),

You are an idiot.  
What, the internet isn’t entertaining enough for you?  Haven’t you heard of porn?  
Online gaming?  Even blogs, for goodness sake.  Get a hobby.  
I’d suggest polymer clay but I’m afraid the Xacto knives would be too dangerous
for you.   Perhaps Play-doh is more your speed.  

 Hugs,

 E

Love the government, hate the government but participate in the government.  
It’s America, you’re allowed to do so.  Anarchy is for losers. 

Accentuate The Positive #2 Clay

Chicagoist journalist and blogger Smussyolay tagged me with a meme of 5 things I do to stay positive. While writing it I discovered I needed to write it in more than one post. Here's the second thing:

Clay

I’m not all that good at it (yet) but it’s something I have to use my full attention to do. It frees my mind from thinking – thinking – thinking. Plus when something works out well there’s a feeling of accomplishment.



And I have given almost everything decent away to someone, so there’s the joy of giving. Which reminds me. I have a cross to put in the mail.

Oh, the indecent things - Auto-erotic Asphyxia Gumby, for example. I keep for myself.

Accentuate the Positive #1 Pause

Chicagoist journalist and blogger Smussyolay tagged me with a meme of 5 things I do to stay positive. While writing it I discovered I needed to write it in more than one post. So here's the first thing:

Pause

After my initial anxiety / panic / agoraphobia thing I met with a therapist twice.

I have no interest in Freudian / Jungian talk therapy so I was reluctant to go. There's also a stigma about therapy (at least in law enforcement). I was surprised and happy that instead of asking me about my relationship with my parents (which is just fine) he filled me in on tricks to manage panic attacks and stress in general. Tune up. Come back if you need me but otherwise have a nice life. Good deal.

The best piece of advice he gave me was this:

If you rushing along in traffic and the light turns red, it's easy to get all angry and frustrated about being delayed. Instead, take it as a forced opportunity to pause and look around.

I can certainly get all worked up about things like getting stuck in traffic or being late or whatever but to what purpose? It makes no difference. The light is going to be red for as long as the light is going to be red.

Add to this the fact that every juggling trick I know involves a pause. Right throw, left throw, right throw, left throw, High Right Throw (creating a pause in the flow), do something flashy, left throw, right throw. Lather, rinse, repeat. It works every time.

Being pause-itive makes my outlook so much more positive.

Photos: pause = me
Red Light

The Ability Doesn’t Give You The Right

This would be as if I used the special Po-Po computers to look up friends, neighbors, etc. Or if someone cut me off in traffic and I use the DMV records to track them down. Bad, bad, bad. And improper. And possibly illegal. And I wouldn't do such a thing.

I will note that the ability vs. right comment refers to the adultery too, but this is mostly a stained underwear story.

Scientist Tests Husband's DNA, Fidelity

(found at Guardian UK via the Drudge Report)

Wednesday July 4, 2007 1:46 AM

by KATHY BARKS HOFFMAN
Associated Press Writer

LANSING, Mich. (AP) - A state forensics scientist who said she tested DNA in her husband's underwear to find out whether he was cheating could be disciplined if investigators determine she violated the use of state equipment.

Ann Chamberlain-Gordon of Okemos testified in a March 7 divorce hearing that she ran the test in September on the underwear of Charles Gordon Jr. Asked by his attorney what she found, she answered: ``Another female. It wasn't me.''

She also said during a May 25 hearing in Ingham County Family Court that she

ran the test on her own time with chemicals that were set to be thrown away.
Michigan State Police, which oversees the Lansing forensics lab where Chamberlain-Gordon works, started to investigate her after her husband's attorney wrote to authorities and media outlets questioning how many times DNA tests have been improperly run.

Investigators expect to decide by next week what they found. Her duties have not been restricted during the investigation, state police spokeswoman Shanon Akans said Tuesday.

``We don't know exactly what was or wasn't done,'' Akans said.
State police policies on the care and use of property say ``department supplies, materials or equipment shall not be used for any non-duty or non-department purpose.''

A request for comment was left Tuesday with Chamberlain-Gordon.
Charles Gordon's attorney, Michael Maddaloni, said Tuesday that his client disputed his wife's testimony that he acknowledged a sexual encounter with another woman
after she found the female DNA on his underwear...

...

Note: this entry was posted from a computer I own, not one owned by the government.

photos: Stains
Toxic fumes

In Loving Memory of Taste

I’m seeing this all over Los Anchorage and I don’t understand.

Someone please explain to me why one would choose to honor a loved one by putting a decal on the rear window of their car saying “In Loving Memory of (fill in the blank).”

Yes, I know everyone grieves in their own way. Yes, I know that a polite person would refrain from criticizing someone in their moment of loss.

Yet….

If it were me I’d prefer not to be remembered on someone’s ratty old car. And remember, even the newest snazziest motor vehicle will eventually be someone’s ratty old car.

To each their own but wouldn’t a car decal be about as tasteful as a memorial snow globe?

Wait just a second… what with the polymer clay thing, I could probably whip up a memorial snow globe if anyone is interested. Instead of snow I could either put little angel wings or little flames, depending on the dear departed. Quantity discounts for multiple fatality incidents. Serious inquiries only.

Incidentally if you do want a decal, www.decalboy.com seems as good a place as any to get one.

Kids, need help with your STA's?

try these fine folks:


yes, it's pretty lame when my blog content consists of the ACS white pages (from last year at that) but what can you do?

And no, I have no idea what they sell at "A Special Touch" but I have a strict no-touchy rule, especially "special" touching. At least by strangers. At least for money.

I am intrigued that one can order special touches by fax.

BONG HiTS 4 JESUS

If you have read/seen the news today you might have noticed that the United States Supreme Court ruled against a Juneau, Alaska high school student who believed his First Amendment right to free speech was abridged by his Principal.

Here is the decision if you wish to read it: Morse v. Frederick (from ADN.com).

With apologies to my relatives in Juneau who are better versed on the facts of the case, here are the details I deem pertinent: The Olympic Torch was being run through the streets of our state's capitol. Since it was a relatively historic occasion, Juneau Douglas High School decided to let the kids go witness this event during school hours. Oh yeah, TV cameras were covering the whole thing. At this event a high school student (Frederick) held up a 14 foot banner stating "BONG HiTS 4 JESUS" which was easily visible to the cameras.

"Stating" is not the right word since "BONG HiTS 4 JESUS" is not a statement; it's gibberish. It was designed by the student as gibberish provocative enough to cause a reaction and get on TV. It did and it did. The principal (Morse) confiscated the sign and suspended the student.

I'm a very strong advocate of the freedom of speech and I'm all "let the kids dance" regarding school issues generally but I'm not at all displeased with this decision.

The principal stated that it was the "bong hits" which she deemed a pro-drug message which caused her to confiscate the sign. Others suggest she is a Christian Conservative who was all bent out of shape about the "Jesus" part of the sign. I say: who cares.

Either way Mr. Frederick, you embarrassed your school at a quasi-school event. You should have been suspended. Your sign should have been confiscated.

Similar to Don Imus, if your inappropriate actions embarrass your boss (or your school) there should be consequences - not criminal consequences, just administrative consequences. There is a huge difference.

The First Amendment is essential to our freedom but it is not a free pass to do as you please at all times.

I cannot, for example, wear a "Fuck The Police" shirt at work. First, the language is unacceptable in a professional work environment. If I cleaned up the language it would still be inappropriate, no matter whether it was cleaned up literally or figuratively.

"Have Intercourse With The Police" might be a way of life for some of my coworkers but the statement on a garment would still would falls short of professionalism. "Question The Authority Of The Police" would also not be a great statement to wear at work. My boss, who by the way IS THE GOVERNMENT (just like a school district) has every right to administratively step on my neck if I wear such a shirt at work or even with a group of coworkers at a police sponsored event. Heck, I'm not supposed to shop in my uniform, even if on the way to or from work. Luckily I wouldn't dream of such a thing since I look a little like Boss Hogg wearing Roscoe P. Coultrane's clothes wearing my light blue uniform.

Mr. Frederick is attending college and I wish him well. I'm sure he is disappointed that the U.S. Supreme Court ruled against him but I think he should be happy that they did not have to power to lay some real justice on him: sentence him to a career in secondary school administration.

Please weigh in.

The Herb Shaindlin Plaque is Done

update October 4, 2008 - It is with great sadness I report that Herb Shaindlin has indeed passed away. His family has set up a MySpace site for people to share stories and wishes at www.myspace.com/herbshaindlin

What do teachers make?

I found this on
http://www.techtrend.com/blog/taranicole/

And it gave me chills, I nearly had a tear in my eye.
This is one thing on this blog you should play for your kids.

Nuts and Seeds

Sunday early afternoon I received a 911 call from a very upset lady who was lounging by herself in the hot tub on her back deck when a black bear walked up the stairs. The bear was between the hot tub and the door to her house. This is an excellent example of when it is appropriate to call 911.

The bear came to collect what bears in these parts collect: food in the form of bird seed from the woman's bird feeder.

For future reference: Wild birds don't need fed. The only reason to have a bird feeder is to attract birds to your property. If you live in bear country you are also going to attract bears. My advice to anyone who has a bird feeder and access to non-suburban Alaska might as well smear themselves with bacon grease and go for a hike.

Back to the lady in the tub. I got the call in quickly and then kept her on the phone. Luckily the bear was much more interested in the seeds than it was in the lady (apparently the Human Soup didn’t smell 'done' yet). The bear eventually knocked the bird feeder off of the deck onto the grass below and then went down to find it. This gave the caller the opportunity to splish-splash her way quickly inside her residence.

We both had a good laugh at that point. I advised her to lock her door. In retrospect I'm not sure why. Bears, having no pockets or opposable thumbs, don't usually carry lock picking equipment. Oh well, better safe than sorry. I cancelled the call for officers to respond because there was no longer anyone in danger and the police have only one answer to bear: gun. No one likes that solution.

In the last seconds of the call she suggested that she'd need to eventually clean up the seeds. I mentioned that the bird feeder had outlived its welcome and that, if it were me, I'd need to clean up the hot tub.

Gaagaa Googoo *hic*

Toddler Served Margarita in a Sippy Cup
Jun 15 03:51 PM US/Eastern

ANTIOCH, Calif. (AP) - A toddler who was served a margarita at a restaurant earlier this week is doing well, and investigators say the incident appears to have been an accident. Police say 2-year-old Julian Mayorga ordered apple juice but instead received an alcoholic beverage in a covered, plastic sippy cup on Monday night at an Applebee's franchise in Antioch, between San Francisco and Sacramento.

The boy's mother, Kim Mayorga, said she noticed Julian making funny faces and pushing away his cup. She opened the lid and was hit by the smell of tequila and Triple Sec. The toddler grew drowsy and started vomiting a few hours later and was rushed to the hospital.

"I wasn't going to make a big deal about it," the mother said Thursday, "but then he got sick."
Applebee's Vice President Randy Tei said the restaurant keeps apple juice and the premixed margarita concoction in identical-looking plastic bottles on ice behind the bar. A manager on duty mistakenly grabbed the margarita bottle instead of the apple juice jug, Tei said.

The company will reimburse the Mayorgas for their medical bills. It will no longer keep the juice and margarita mix in similar-looking containers, Tei said.

"We absolutely believe it was an honest mistake," Tei said.

The serving appeared to have been accidental, Antioch police Lt. Pat Welch said.

story courtesy of Breibart News, from Contra Costa Times.

The Plane (repost)

(originally posted August 04, 2006). I am reposting it because I am just about done with something much bigger. That being said, this is my favorite creation so far.

It started out very simple. I had a schematic I found on the net.

I bought some aluminum foil and fashioned a wing, a fuselage, and a tail assembly all to scale. Then I made my first mistake.

I used the foil wing and tail pieces as templates and used regular ol' craptacular Sculpey white clay to make them. Next I coated the foil fuselage in Sculpey. Awful stuff, that first generation clay, as I found out. It's soft and crappy to work with, picks up fingerprints like crazy, and is not very strong even when baked.

But I pressed on. I added Sculpey III white clay on top of the airframe. Then I tried using toothpicks covered in clay to hold the wheels on. Bad move. Using Dinko Tilov's techiques I made a wire armature for the wheel struts. Excellent. But still elementary school quality.

Then I decided, since the recipient of this plane just got his captain's wings with a major air carrier, to give the plane a captain's hat. I was very happy with the fine detail of the hat and it inspired me to keep going. Kelli thought some captain's stripes on the wings would be a nice touch. Oui!

Then the wheels themselves totally crumbled under the last baking (which was about two trips to the oven too much for them). I used techniques found in a book by David Kracov to fashion the eyes (which are the best eyes I've seen in any book) and his example to just bake the wheels and back assembly separately and superglue them into place.

So after some tail numbers and several coats of glaze (who am I kidding, it's structural at this point with the crappy wing clay): Voila!

My next plane (if I decide to try another) will be better but at least this one is done.

Kracov's book guided me through a project I'm about a third through but here's a head, some hands, and some shoes. Not too shabby. Kracov's techniques are not much different from the other books I've read but he pays a lot of attention to small details, like the eyes. I'm diggin' it!

~~~~~~

Cessna 185 schematic: richard.ferriere.free.fr

Round Two

Okay so here's a second crack at Puck's Dad's head. I think it's a better charicature than my first attempt: less "old man and the sea" sort of thing.



It's still more of a bobblehead quality but it's starting to look okay.




Oh and here is the photo I am working from:

There's still a lot of little things to clean up. Then I have to figure out the best presentation (and the second head is bigger so the whole deal will have to be bigger... hmmm).

New Heads

Here's really rough head #1 and it's second stage:



And then here's my favorite so far (don't tell your dad, Puck, it's still a work in progress)

Visit My Mother In Law's Art Blog

She's a watercolor artist in Wasilla, Alaska. I happen to think she does outstanding work but perhaps I'm prejudiced.

You be the judge. Check her out at The Art of Dianne Boyd

Welcome to my world

By now you've probably heard about this guy in Paw Paw, Michigan:





He rolled his wheelchair into the path of a semi tractor. When the semi struck the wheelchair (at low speed), the wheelchair handles became lodged in the truck's grill. After a 50mph ride stuck on the front grill, the semi was pulled over by police and the Mr Wheelchair guy was rescued unharmed.

But check out the 911 calls: WGRZ story Plus 911 calls

Specifically listen to call number 3. This is the sort of caller who justifies my pay. It's also a great example of "you don't know how you are going to react during an emergency until one happens."

Art Trouble: British artist creates diamond-studded skull

Art Trouble: British artist creates diamond-studded skull

The New View

Well... how's this for a change?

I have tweaking to do but I think I need a break from the dark template.

I can always go back.